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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Where the Truth Liesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: iShoes
    Elite Ratio:    4.86 - 101/106/14
    Words: 271
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 378
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1739



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhere the Truth Liesdots
    -------------------------------------------



    She tipped the taxi driver her last dollar
    And grabbed her leather suitcase from the trunk.
    Noticing that her parent’s cars were not in the driveway
    She proceeds inside
    A dog slowly greets her and she squats to permit its sodden kisses
    Caressing him, she softly says its name.
    And then removed her 80 dollar pair of shades.
    setting her suitcase down by the door.
    Then tapping her finger on the coffee table
    She tours her childhood
    Through the collage of family portraits in the kitchen.
    No matter what there is always home

    Reading the post it notes on the bulletin board
    She listens to the messages on the answering machine.
    Life never seized when she left this place.
    She deliberates her past
    and fixes herself some green tea.
    Then seats herself in front of the television
    After surfing the 3 available channels for a good 10 minutes
    She heads up to her old room.
    Breathing in from an old cardboard box full of her family’s clothes
    She finds some old journals that she thumbs through and chuckles beneath her breathe.
    Sighing deeply, she tells herself
    I don’t think I’m ready for this
    Outside she swings on the old tree swing her father had built for her
    Back and forth with her eyes on the skies
    Just as she did in her distant memories
    Is it right?
    She lays on the living room floor
    In complete self-possession
    Not a word,
    Without a sound

    She leaps from the floor and picks up the telephone.
    Dialing up an old friend.
    “How quickly can you get here?”
    She asks.




    Submitted on 2005-04-19 10:50:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this poem

    It shows that if one looks at the past they can create new memories from it

    A true friend is extremely hard to find
    I recently lost touch with someone who will always be my best friend

    Take Care
    Ron

    If you get a chance please take a look at my poetry and let me know what you think

    Thank You
    | Posted on 2005-10-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      The title leads me to say, referring to what u & I've shared back & forth, that the truth lies in the perceiver's mind. And with the lack of visual description (ie., green eyes, what the house "looked like"), we are more able to put what we want to in it. I LOVE how this is so open to what we think happened to her, b'tween her & parents, & what will happen. In her simple actions you draw out such tension! In this poem, you were so good at insinuating!
    Spellbinding.
    Cleo
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      im a literarly idiot, so i have no idea what a prose is. but... any this is very nice story that line after line slowly but sure draw you into the web of her life.
    as has been already, nothing really happens except she looks at some old pictures, plays on a childhood swing, and secretly without saying doesnt quite look forward to meeting her parents after being away for some time.
    i guess thats why she needs the assistance from
    an old childhood friend that may already now and understand the situation with her parents.
    the uncomfortableness this may bring.
    or she just got bored and wanted to see a old friend while she was in town, only the author knows best...
    anyway anyhow mission complete leaving us readers in the dark, were we create our own mystery about whats really going on...
    it was very smooth and nicely written from beginning to end...
    congrats on this most simple yet still provacotive write....
    this is enough out of me.....

    one...
    | Posted on 2005-08-17 00:00:00 | by elohimswork | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very well written and nicely expressed! You have a wonderful way of painting this picture in my mind. I can see everything that is happening. Awesome! This moment is hard for her to deal with. She must have been away for a long time and this is her first return home? I think the way that you explain everything is really great! I am a bit confused though as you mentioned this is not in reference to someone that you are in love with right? So what is the motivation behind these poems about her? Anyway, very nicely done! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again I am overwhelmed by your post! I think I may have to keep closer tabs on you from now on...I'd hate to let a good write pass me by...

    You certainly are able to reach out to your reader in such a simple yet personal manner. Your words create vivid imagery in this story...

    I was able to relate to this personally after having moved back "home" a few months back...I could go on and on about this piece and how it etched a personal notch in my own muse...but I hate to be a space hog so I will leave you with three words that I only give to pieces that blow me away...HOT CHA CHA! ;)

    T
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, first off i was referred by Brownselight, and happy am i that i came here. this is an amazing write. you give just enough to let us know about this woman. the circumstances which brought her here are irrelevant...what i take from this is that once she crossed over that threshold she is somehow, bringing back a little of the person that she was once...

    interesting how that sometimes happens, i have fallen into that trap of what people percieve me as, then who i am now as a result of experience and time...very very nicely done...

    intuitive, and sharp...

    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-08-12 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      Whilst I'm not qualified to comment as the others have, from a poetic point of view, I am experienced enough to know an excellent write when I read one. I find, with each read of this, more points to ponder:
    Her LAST dollar? Was this the final journey through her memory bank as she suicides, but no, the mundane facts of life still go on, post-it notes and messages on the machine, so it can't be the journey back home after the parents have passed on...hmmm

    I don't need to tell you what I eventually came up with, I just wanted to thank you for asking myself so many questions and having to wade through the possible answers. I love cryptic puzzles, and this was one of the best I've seen.
    I'd rather not know if I got it wrong.

    Thank You
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      As usual, nothing less than stellar, and delightfully cryptic. I'll be frank; your poetry is an addiction of mine.

    Now, onto commentary...

    Your title itself implies more than one meaning; namely, the word lie, denoting both the physical act of orienting oneself parallel to the ground and the act of deceiving oneself or another. Of course, that's all done on purpose, so the way it has multi-layered depth is well done.

    The poem seems to possess a lot of throwaway details, which add to the personal tone, but at some points feel slightly unnecessary or symbolic in an unclear way. The "last dollar" and the eighty-dollar glasses draw attention to each other, yet at the same time leave me confused; was she rich before, or did she give away her last dollar, but has a stash of credit cards in her pocket. Savings checks?

    Also, the line "No matter what there is always home" reads like it nees a comma at the "No matter what," as is customary in most English writing. The rhythm would be altered for better emphasis, for the most part. The only conceivable issue might be the trite and overdone nature of "no matter what" and the "home" idea, but removal of a comma appears to add little originality, and if meant to be interpreted needs clarity.

    The poem sounds almost nostalgic, so what I can't get is what's going on. A lot of childhood, memories, images that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but the ending is impossible to decipher as my mind is in grave need of sleep and all I can think of is my old experiences of inviting friends to my house.

    Care to elaborate? I'm dying to know.
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by EternitysLyre | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, that was somehow really really interesting! I really am not sure whether I have read any of your poems before or not! I think I didn't! But I think after reading this one I'll try to read more of your poems at least to judge better.

    And now about the prose itself; I think that this is a good prose indeed, of course the subject of the poem isn't new but the way it was presented was good and somehow innovative too (in my point of view), the prose is well written with nearly no spelling mistakes and that is a very important thing because I beleive that spelling mistakes take alot from the beauty of any poem or prose!

    And I must talk about the tittle ( Where the Truth Lies ), which was very well chosen and captures the minds of the readers (it captured mine), and also the description which I believe to be a very important tool for the writer to use to capture the attention of the readers and to give a prior presentation to the poem and I think you somhehow failed in doing any of that because you didn't even use it from the first place!

    I think that the emotion was flowing all over the prose and the sincerity too! And that is a very important thing, as I believe that the key to the succes of any writing is how sincere is it and how was it presented to the reader and did it touch him in a way or another! Because that is what writing is all about! It is all about translating our emotions in to words.

    I also want to say that the way you described the situation is beautiful! I mean you used very well chosen words and put them together very well to create a great scene! Well presentation indeed! You made me picture the whole thing in my head while reading it and that means that you succeeded in making the reader (that will be me) live the words and feel them!

    I liked the part that says

    "Reading the post it notes on the bulletin board
    She listens to the messages on the answering machine.
    Life never seized when she left this place."

    That was a very smart and interesting image specially the last line "Life never seized when she left this place"!

    And also the part that says

    "Sighing deeply, she tells herself
    I don’t think I’m ready for this
    Outside she swings on the old tree swing her father had built for her
    Back and forth with her eyes on the skies
    Just as she did in her distant memories"

    And like I said before GREAT presentation, you have your way with words!

    And also the last stanza "The finale" which was very good and well written too.

    "She leaps from the floor and picks up the telephone.
    Dialing up an old friend.
    “How quickly can you get here?”
    She asks."

    I really liked those last words! And I think that she couldn't face this situation and she is not ready yet and so she left!

    One last thing; I think that this is great as it is and doesn't need any rhyme (in my point of view)!

    I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      this is brilliant.

    This piece as a very inviting rhythm to it which makes it very easy to read. And your style is very impressive. The way you are able to weave physical information in with your characters action makes it easy to picture where your star is both physically and what state she's in. Although technically nothing has taken place here other than her apperantly comming home, the hint of there being some conflict between her and her parents or her and her past makes grabs hold of my attention. This is one of the best prose i've read on this sight. You have mastard a style all your own.

    I'm left to wonder who she called or what's gonna happen when her parents arrive. If there's more you better let me know where and when i can find it.

    Spoken
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]



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