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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Concerning a Girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cindergarden1
    ASL Info:    18 Male Sweden
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 43/58/17
    Words: 257
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1005
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1090



    Description:
       With love comes pain... Does love come with pain?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConcerning a Girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'll give you the lungs
    To blow life into me
    I'll give you the arms to hold me
    The eyes to watch me grow

    I'll give you the fingers
    To strangle my thoughts
    I'll give you the hands to beat me
    The feet to kick me down

    So give me something
    That I can hold on to
    'Cause, God help me
    I'm not over you

    I'll give you the teeth
    To mark what is yours
    I'll give you the gun to end me
    The ears to hear me fade

    I'll give you the lips
    To kiss me goodbye
    I'll give you the tongue to say
    You don't love me that way

    So give me something
    That I can hold on to
    'Cause, God help me
    I'm not over you

    You gave me a heart
    To beat sense out of me
    You gave me the knees to beg on
    The palms to ask you please




    Submitted on 2005-04-19 12:44:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey hey nils, im speechless, gosh. Please tell me theres a melody to this one. Only one thing I saw in ur piece that I think you should change:

    -I'll give you the lungs
    To blow life into me

    I dont know how you could reword this but it doewsnt sound right to me...

    *reading it over and over*

    Ahhhhhh, nix that last comment. Its fine. I wanna put a tune to it..will be a challenge matching a melody to such powerful words!
    ps: to answer your question..love comes with pain, for without pain thered be no compassion

    so its a given, eh? :)
    -Lolavie
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by lolavie | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my freakin god.,.. i just love this.. i swear i fell in love with this poem!! WONDERFUL MARVELOUS JOB!! im amazed.. seriously congratulations.. its soooo good im gonna add it to my faves!!!
    xoxo
    great job
    byess!
    *anita*
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by anita_89 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very deep and dark in a way. You also have a great pic. Very raw as well.

    Everyone says that there shouldn't be any pain in love. I will disagree. Sometimes it will hurt to love or be in love. Nothing is ever perfect. All we can do is hope for a recovery after the pain.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this. I have never read anything by you before, and this certainly left an impression on me. It reminds me of something Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails might sing about. I don't know if you would take that as a compliment, but that is the first thing I thought about. I loved your form, and the refraining. Powerful piece. Hope to see more,
    Samantha
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by melancholymaid | [ Reply to This ]
      oh wow...this is definitely going into my favs..this is really good...in a way it held both a romantic and dark impression on me...well, because you give this girl everything you have...for both ways...

    "You gave me a heart
    To beat sense out of me
    You gave me the knees to beg on
    The palms to ask you please"

    This is one in a million-you gave me a heart..The palms to ask you please...brillant.

    I couldn't have come close to describing painful love as you did...really wonderful poem...
    Thanky for sharing this piece, it's amazingly wonderful...

    -stacey-
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    55326

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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