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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Re: No Subjectdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cindergarden1
    ASL Info:    18 Male Sweden
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 43/58/17
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 706
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1262



    Description:
       This poem was written a few days before the most important romance of my life ended because she felt she was too young to commit. It's about how she is afraid she might miss something in the process of growing up and end up an under-experienced (romantically speaking) adult.
    What my part is in the poem, you will have to decide for yourself.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRe: No Subjectdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I think I know where this is headed
    And I canít stand the wait
    Say something to make me feel better
    'cause I canít stand the weight
    of it all
    I guess every Icarus must fall
    Dead into the sea
    The sun never took much liking in me

    I think I know just how youíre feeling
    But I canít compensate
    I think I know just what youíre needing
    But I canít liberate
    not at all
    Guess every man has his own call
    And youíre not calling me
    So instead I take comfort in me

    Stick your dagger in my side
    Tear me open and look inside
    You spoke of monsters
    Where are those?
    Iím not that ugly if you look close

    Iíll stand my ground as it all shakes
    Collect the pieces when it breaks
    You spoke of options
    But where are those?
    Iím pretty sure this ain't what I chose

    I think I know just what Iím doing
    But I canít motivate
    Say something to make feel better
    Because I canít separate
    Me from you
    Sever the bonds that we once grew
    and thrust into the black
    But thereís no way Iím taking you back




    Submitted on 2005-04-19 17:17:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It doesn't really matter what excuse thay give you, the unforgivable truth is, they don't want you.
    As far as the poem goes, not bad, although it doesn't really have anything to make it stand out from the incredibly huge crowd of lost lover poems.
    The way you've written v3 and 4 in a different rhyme structure makes me think more of a song, with v3 and 4 as the bridge, as you also change the language somewhat, with use of words like "ain't"
    and "ugly" when the other three verses are written in a more traditional style. I liked the "wait" wordplay, I've noticed that in a couple of your poems.
    Anyway, a nice read, just not enough there to make it unforgettable.
    Cheers and
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great, i really enjoyed it and can relate in my own little way. when you say she not calling you (and i may have this all wrong) i'm guessing she wanted to become more experienced but not with you, which is stupid to me because i would want to get all the experience from that special person of mine, i wouldnt want to go off and "grow up" with people i'm not invovled in, she shouldnt have to feel like that if she truely cared for you. and i'm probably making you feel worse. sorry i just dont have any to criticise on your actualy poem here, just the thoughts behind it. so anyways great write
    -steph
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]


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