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My Curse, My Hurt, My Pain


Author: SmoothePapa
ASL Info:    24/m/FL
Elite Ratio:    2.65 - 55 /90 /16
Words: 237
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1311
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1370



Description:


This how a man feels when something he really loves is taken away. There is nothing more precious than a gift from God. (a woman)


My Curse, My Hurt, My Pain



If I could only explain the pain that runs inside.
When I can't see your warming eyes.
Deprived of what I loved the most.
Now I'm exiled in a place where no love can grow.
Do you know this feeling?
This feeling of pain.
The kind I would wish upon no man.
I do know the feeling and it'sickening
It hurts my heart
To witness my true, and only love depart.
If only I had another moment or two.
I'd tell you how much I thought of you.
How I loved your sweet, and femanine voice.
How you made me feel like I was the boss.
How you fixed your clothes
How you made up our bed
How you showed me affection
when I would lose my head.
How you continued to be strong in our times of trouble.
How you put your faith in me
While others prayed for me to struggle.
How you kept things neat, and always in place,
and the dinners you cooked
were nothing but great.
I miss you sweet heart, for this is very true;
and if I had a choice
I'd rather be in heaven with you,
but God for some reason did'nt see it that way.
He chose to leave me, and take you away.
So this is my curse, my hurt, my pain
To live on this earth without you, and half a man.




Submitted on 2005-04-19 19:31:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  wow nice,I loved this i really mean it
this 1 is going 2 be on my favorites for sure
I can really feel your pain in this poem and every line made me say "wow" good job,keep it up
later 4 now
Peace&Love

~diamond~
| Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by lovlydiamond | [ Reply to This ]
  I felt each stitch of pain, each moment of heartache, each " i wish for just 2 more minutes with you" emotion - beautifully written. I've been there a few years back and that's about the only time in my life when i actually felt the physical manifestation of emotional pain- UNDESCRIBABLY HURTFUL! Keep on writing poerty about her coz that the way in which you keep her alive in your mind and heart (and in the minds of those reading the poerty).
Keep spreading the love
Nadia*
| Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
  This proves to me that you know the value of a good woman. The things that she will do for her man. The length she will walk and the strength she can help provide. You seem to have great values. Both you and your brother prove this to me. Very unusual...

Loved this poem. Nothing needs improvement. It is perfect as is.

Great write.

Li Li
| Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
  yep you went deep with this. You were able to touch me on a personal level..

"He chose to leave me, and take you away.
So this is my curse, my hurt, my pain"

it's been six years since my Angel went away and still i feel these lines...

The only thing I would change is the last line...i would leave out the "and" it just threw the line off a bit...

Keep holding it down!
| Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
  ok... i'm not gonna cry... this was so sad, but it was sweet too in a way. i hate to say it, and believe it not, but i could feel your pain... i wanna give you a big hug right now... [[big hug]]
| Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  this is so beautiful, and so sad at the same time. this makes the reader FEEL the depth of your pain. i was transfixed throughout the whole piece.

it seems X is not alone with his talent. i am impressed with the passion of your words. wonderful read!

-Nikki
| Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow... this was awesome... really great job, i cant find anything wrong with your writing style (except that i prefer it when people use stanzas, it gives more time to think and focus on whats being said) but this really made me feel... its really sad and i can feel the pain all through this poem last 4 lines were awesome really dramatic, in fact the whole poem was dramatic and you did a great job
| Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. So could feel the pain radiating from this. I'm so sorry. To hear a man that can be. . .so vulnerable and show it in his writing. At least you admit to feeling. That's beautiful.

I'm sorry this happened. Left me in tears. I'm still sniffing. Wow. . .

~BCute
| Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  yeah I been there not once, not twice, but many times. I still remember her soft voice, the look in her baby blues. And would beleive me if I told you this took place 30 years ago.
you detailed exactly what a man goes through. the power of a woman is amazing.
good job.
| Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by hotrodruss | [ Reply to This ]
  U know what? i have never been in love and even this made me almost cry. so sad. so much emotion in one poem. no man should have to go through that. in fact no woman either. it was soooo touching. the love for one woman shown by a man, and then taken away. u did an excellent job. ~cat~
| Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]
  OMG...I am speechless, which is a rare thing indeed. You can feel the tremendous amount of emotion that went into that piece. Your message was clear, and you used perfect grammar. You are a great writer. I hope to hear/read more of your work. Keep your head up, and stay strong.
Trinity
| Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by Trinity | [ Reply to This ]
  When I first read this, I admit, i didn't know where it was going. I thought it was a break-up poem, and I rolled my eyes, but I was surprised to see it was actually quite dramatic. I really enjoyed the ending, it flowed nicely

"So this is my curse, my hurt, my pain
to live on this earth without you, and half a man."

The only part I got confused on was

"The kind I would wish upon no man.
I do, and it'sickening"

Do you wish this upon someone or not? I'm getting mixed messages. Perhaps you could clear that up.

Other than that, nice poem, I felt sad after reading it, so you did you're job well.
| Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by lemonpromenade | [ Reply to This ]


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