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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Clocksdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 576



    Description:
       An analogy of people raising their expectations of others and clocks with people continually staring at them, always wanting the time to either slow down or speed up.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClocksdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everyone stares at me,
    expectant and conceited,
    as if I have all the answers
    to their dreams.

    I try so hard
    to figure it out,
    But those dreadful eyes
    continue to haunt me;

    As if chiding me:
    “Do this, do that,”
    when all I can do
    is be myself.

    I wasn’t made
    to fit their expectations,
    but only to tell time;
    meekly, but free.

    This is who I am,
    but those devilish eyes
    can only glance at me
    with unsatisfied scorn.




    Submitted on 2005-04-19 22:23:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like your use of adjectives, and the way you've chosen to describe your topic. The only major issue that I have with this is that because of the type of poem you've written, you should be able to discern the topic without knowing what the title is. When I read this, I would have had no idea that this was written about clocks if I hadn't read the title beforehand. Mind you, that's not to say that the poem is bad, because I definitely like it, I just think that you may want to add in some more description so that the reader can figure out the subject matter without referring back to the title.

    I've tried this type of poem myself, so I do know how hard it is to make your point without it being necessary to refer back to the title, so I really hope that you take the time to think about ways to make that possible. Either way, it's a nicely written poem, without a lot of wonderful descriptions.

    Good luck with your future writings and any editing.
    ~Zylle
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by zyllion | [ Reply to This ]


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