[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Clocksdots

    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 857
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 576

       An analogy of people raising their expectations of others and clocks with people continually staring at them, always wanting the time to either slow down or speed up.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Everyone stares at me,
    expectant and conceited,
    as if I have all the answers
    to their dreams.

    I try so hard
    to figure it out,
    But those dreadful eyes
    continue to haunt me;

    As if chiding me:
    “Do this, do that,”
    when all I can do
    is be myself.

    I wasn’t made
    to fit their expectations,
    but only to tell time;
    meekly, but free.

    This is who I am,
    but those devilish eyes
    can only glance at me
    with unsatisfied scorn.

    Submitted on 2005-04-19 22:23:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like your use of adjectives, and the way you've chosen to describe your topic. The only major issue that I have with this is that because of the type of poem you've written, you should be able to discern the topic without knowing what the title is. When I read this, I would have had no idea that this was written about clocks if I hadn't read the title beforehand. Mind you, that's not to say that the poem is bad, because I definitely like it, I just think that you may want to add in some more description so that the reader can figure out the subject matter without referring back to the title.

    I've tried this type of poem myself, so I do know how hard it is to make your point without it being necessary to refer back to the title, so I really hope that you take the time to think about ways to make that possible. Either way, it's a nicely written poem, without a lot of wonderful descriptions.

    Good luck with your future writings and any editing.
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by zyllion | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Generation Lost in Space written by teika5
    Hide away written by robbie
    Untitled written by taintedsmiles
    Of A Better Future written by MyPeriodical
    911 written by Soul-Hugger
    undetermined written by MyPeriodical
    Expectations written by taintedsmiles
    What its like written by robbie
    MY VERY OWN DEATH written by Ethan Brody
    is it nature written by MyPeriodical
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    Agitations written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Humanity's Loss, Humanity's Gain | prt o written by MyPeriodical
    A Dream Within a Dream (My favorite EAP poem) written by Debauchery
    Somewhere It's Always Morning written by Soul-Hugger
    Cansansio written by MyPeriodical
    Oblivion written by TheStillSilence
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    Challenge - Msg to a Mountain Lynx written by Daniel Barlow
    BackLash written by MyPeriodical
    Humanity's Loss, Humanity's Gain | prt t written by MyPeriodical
    Next to you written by robbie
    Ahogo written by MyPeriodical
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    Behest written by Daniel Barlow
    We are Loved written by teika5
    El Llanto Los Libra written by MyPeriodical




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]