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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Burn, Spread, Repeatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xeternalshadowx
    ASL Info:    17/m/pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 121/137/55
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1265
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 700



    Description:
       Just respond..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBurn, Spread, Repeatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    One white and soft..

    A piece of bread is placed into the toaster

    Keep it in briefly,
    And it is just right.
    Keep it in too long,
    And the toast becomes black and dies.

    Now distasteful, nobody will eat it.

    Spread on alittle butter,
    And it is sweeter on the buds.


    I am already dead...

    Needing butter spread...

    Just alittle, and I'm sure I will be fine.
    But I need a lot,
    To cover up the wounds created.

    Though however much butter is spread,




    The taste of the burnt toast will come through...




    Submitted on 2005-04-20 14:06:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, not what I expected from the title, but very cool metophore. I'm positive I've never heard life compared to burnt toast, but you made it work very well. It always amazes me that such comparison spoken aloud would sound rather comical, "Mama always says life is like a piece of dead toast", but when its made into poetry its incredibly deep and meaningful.
    In a previous comment someone said these lines were conflicting :

    "Just alittle, and I'm sure I will be fine.
    But I need a lot,
    To cover up the wounds created."

    I agree and disagree. "Burn, Spread, Repeat" is a poem about life, right, and what is life full of? ... CONFLICT. However, I feel that they misinterpreted these lines. I took them as saying "a little bit would be ok but a lot would be better". Maybe if you changed them up a bit It would read a little easier.

    "Just a little, and I'm sure I'd be fine.
    But to cover up all the wounds created,
    I need a lot."

    Thats just my two cents. Now that I'm done burning your toast :), let me say that this is an exellent piece overall. My favorite lines are

    "Though however much butter is spread,
    The taste of the burnt toast will come through..."

    If that's not life I don't know what is. No matter how much we try to cover ourselves in "butter" (not the kinky way) we'll always just be a piece of burnt toast. But hey some people like their toast burnt and for all the rest "I bite my thumb at thee." :)

    Owlman
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I just got done commenting on your haiku, and I must say that I really like your poetry. You have a way of putting things that is altogether new and different than too much of the stuff I end up reading (and writing). I liked the description of toast "dying"... since it is an inanimate object, I liked that particularly, because most people would not think of toast as dying. Very good, on the whole. Makes me think of Bilbo saying, "I feel like butter scraped over too much bread," in LOTR.
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      Have you been eating my cooking? LOL
    (I'm kidding).
    This reminds me of "new life" .. perfect when born, with no flaws.. But our moments in life are soon filled with flaws, mistakes, errors.. Yet, with love, forgiveness and encouraging words we feel good about ourselves again. . Though it may take more than one spread of butter to sweeten us up..
    Anyway, that's my take on it :)
    A nice write.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow..this is muy good...i like it a lot...not only is it very unique and original, but the imagery! gosh your good at that...you capture the internal conflicts of a person so well in this piece..and unlike the other reviews i liked the line spacing...its how you would read it [[well it helped me read it in my head]] I would have to agree with bent on one thing though...give some space at the end of the poem so its not tightly fitted with Jimmy's info down there...but i def like this one...i dont even know what to say except that im gunna go get a piece of toast to eat...
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by eternaldarkness | [ Reply to This ]
      Very interesting and different metafore. Makes me think a bit, and makes your poem unique.
    But maybe you should elvolve it a bit more to make it clearer. What does the toaster symbolize? The butter?

    The lines feels a little bit odd splitted. Maybe just one blank line between? As it is now, it feels... randomized.

    "Just alittle, and I'm sure I will be fine.
    But I need a lot,
    To cover up the wounds created."
    In this piece, you give double meanings. First you say you need a little, then a lot. I don't understand. Maybe you can make it clearer?

    Anyway, Its good. Its different and special. A little bit of working on it is needed, though.
    Ylva
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Ylva | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting look at life. I like the analogy, but to me the message seems a bit clouded, overpowered by the formatting choices. If it were me, I might think of collapsing some of the white space, gather those words back together to some extent, and let the words speak the idea. I usually leave five or six blank lines at the end of my posts, so the last line stays separated from Jimmy's stuff at the bottom, too...

    As for burnt toast, yeah, it needs butter, but I always pour a lot of sugar on it, too. ("Pour Some Sugar On Me" -- Def Leppard). Y'no?
    bent
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]


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