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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Bro-Song"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 719
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 868



    Description:
       I am tame compared to some of my friends. They are quicker to react to bullshit than I am and sometimes I even have to say " dude chill -relax-it's ok just to calm the whole situation-but you know what ?
    I wouldn't want them on any one elses side but mine, and BTW Pennywise (the band) have a song called Bro-Hymn-and one of my lines is in that song"{Brotherhoods a rule we cannot bend")
    ~to my friends


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Bro-Song"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You see me as an overall easy going guy.
    This is all true but there is another side.
    A side that I can't controll all the time;
    it's those crazy friends of mine.
    They have stood up for me when I could not.
    The poor dumb bastards that crossed me;
    Never bargained for what they got.
    You're either in or you're out;
    Our numbers don't speak for themselves;
    They shout.
    I am no tough guy by any means.
    Were no mafia-ish clan though it might seem.
    And "Brotherhood's our rule"
    That we could never bend.
    This is how it is.
    Now and untill the end.
    This is what we live by.
    Trust and assurance;
    Knowing you always got someone on your side.

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-04-20 16:57:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You seem likea great friend, I can respect all that you said, through the years i have began relationships with guys like this, were all pretty tight knit, I call them all my brothers everyone else is just friends. This poem is awesome though, I am envious of your friends because it seems they've got a good one in you.
    Take Care,
    -Tom
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Jr. High boys, huh? Well, it's nice to know that as adults we can also have friends that stick by us when we really need them.

    Yet, while I applaud the sentiment expressed, I wasn't all that impressed with the poem. It didn't seem very poetic. Now, I haven't read much of your work and maybe that's just your style. If so, just ignore me and keep on writing. If, on the other hand, you generally use more metaphorical language or poetic word arrangements, then I think this one is lacking.

    I noticed a couple of punctuation problems that messed up my reading a bit:

    that crossed me;
    Never bargained

    for themselves;
    They shout

    On both of these lines, the semi-colon should be replaced with a comma. And speaking of that last set of lines:Our numbers don't speak for themselves;/They shout.

    I LOVE these lines! I think this thought is original and expressive.

    It's great that you have friends like these. I think if you took a little more time on this, your tribute to them would be something really special. mae
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm surprised you havent gotten any feedback on this yet. it was pretty catchy, but i have to admit, it reminds me of something a group of junior high boys would think or say.

    i saw a few typos but other than that was pretty good.
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]


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    55515

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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