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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "Father Figureless"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 759
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 505



    Description:
       I saw this poem yesterday that gave me so many ideas as well a sfeelings towards by boys( mike and Nick) whom I don't see too often.(long story)-Anyway, I wish I could remember where I saw that piece of writing so I could thank them for the inspiration for this. I guess this will have to do.
    l.t


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Father Figureless"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    from the monestary window;
    I see two boys I know;
    running and hunting
    for something;
    something they've always been missing.
    ~then they see me and yell;
    "Hey Father what are you doing?"
    ~I replied-
    "Penance my boys"
    (muttering to myself) for not being the Father
    I should have been in your lives.

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-04-20 17:06:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is very sad, great writing. You have such talent to say so much with so few words, I envy that. I feel for you and the emotional stress you face with your kids, I read the story yesterday on one of the other poems you had commented on and man that's terrible for you and for them. Don't give up on them, being "Father Figureless" is harder than most people know. Great write, good luck.
    Take Care,
    -Tom
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      it's been a long time since i've commented on your works, but this is the lamemansterms i remember. Clever, clever! the father, a priest, held back from being a father due to religious duties maybe? the kids searching for something...the fatherless can relate this to their lives when thinking of the moments they saw their father spectating their lives rather than participating. i loved it, nice job!
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by Tinasha | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh man. I've just written and read the comments on a poem about my estranged daughter and me, then I come here and read this. I'm a mess right now.

    This was a great poem,lmt, really a great poem. I love the metaphor of an isolated father paying penance for his errors.

    You put so much into this little bit of writing. Very well done. mae
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      Mike, you're going to kill me! It's all of these sentimenatl ones back to back to back. I'm kidding, I love them.

    Anyways, I get what you're talking about. My dad's always been in my life, but he's never actualy there. We live in the same house and all, but he's never there when I am, and when we are home at the same times, he's: a) watching TV; b) on the computer; or c) sleeping. I don't remember the last time I actually had a conversation with him that didn't involve asking for money or yelling. It sucks so much.

    It had to take a lot to actually post this, since it is so much more personal than any of your other stuff. The only thing that I can tell you is to try to be in their lives mnow as much as possible. It's never too late to try to go back, it's only regret and pain that stop you. We all make choices, and ou obviously made them for some reason (or someone else made them for you). All I'm trying to say is that if you really want to be in their lives, fight like a mofo to get back into them. They may hate you now (for whatever has happened), but I can almost garuntee that they will love you later.

    ~Jess
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting and touching metaphor... comparing the secluded penace of a monastic father to the penance you yourself must pay as a father. It was brief, but each line held enough meaning to make up for that. The last lines were particularly good... when the image of the monestary is revealed to be nothing more that the shelter of your own life that keeps you apart. One thing i might change: i thought that maybe the boys should acknowledge the father by looking first; such as:
    Something they appear to be missing
    Then they look over to me, and yell
    "Hey...

    Just a wild suggestion. Very nice poem.

    -Ari
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Ari Leukos | [ Reply to This ]


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