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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I don't know what to dodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wildchild
    ASL Info:    19/f/northwest
    Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 307/268/27
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1021
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 623



    Description:
       bleh.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI don't know what to dodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Feelings of solitude,
    Surrounded by friends and family
    who bathe life in song and hope
    and yet present are emotions of a forsaken.

    There's nothing locked within the vault,
    no one would bother to break in, there's
    nothing of worth awaiting.

    Desolate wastelands of longing,
    barren fields of love,
    stripped forests of feeling.
    There's not even tears waiting to fall, they've
    been spent, stretched far beyond the limit.

    A blank and uncaring stare is masked
    by a fair facade of laughter.




    Submitted on 2005-04-20 20:29:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow..this is really good Jess..your description was awsome..and we all feel like this at times..I also sometimes fake and hide behind a mask of smiles or happiness...but sooner or later people are bound to see who you truly are..so yeah hiding isn't worth the pleasure or time..Anyhows you did a great job expressing your emotions this piece was awsome as [censored] (pardon my language..lol)..i really liked it..i can relate...keep up the great work!! ^_^

    --Lucy--
    | Posted on 2006-04-10 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...Let me just say first off your description was spot on! It's a very...relatey(?) poem and I question anyone who has never felt like this in their lives (without the aid of some form of happy drug!) I know what it's like to hide comments behind a smile...eventually I'll just blow producing my rants or shouting at people directly at me. It's very good, I can totally relate!
    PS I'm sure relatey isn't a word but I couldn't think of a real one...and I do A level English!
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by irvine_valentin | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem i relate to so well
    For so long I would hide my pain behind a smile or a quick laugh
    It wasnt until about 6 months ago that i finally let my first tears out in God knows how many years
    I really liked this
    Thank You for sharing this
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. It clearly expresses and captures your feelings of depression very well. I think we can all relate to this write in one way or anohter with varying degrees of understanding. I know that I have been depressed before and it seems to give you tunnel vision to only allow you to focus on your sadness which in turn only makes you feel worse. It is very hard to pull yourself out of it and if you're not careful it can consume you. You feel disconnected from loved ones and fail to see the better side of life. It takes some effort and mind control but you can reverse these feelings with some effort. This poem does a great job of capturing this hopeless feeling. Good job with this! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-10-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! i definetly know that feeling. i really liked how you portrayed it. (don't mind my spelling plz) my friends and family couldn't give a shi* about how i feel, they turn a blind eye.

    i like your use of vocabulary, it kept me thinking and contemplating what you have to say to find other possible feelings. i enjoyed reading this very much but i think you could have made it longer...done more with it, you know what i mean? anyway, its your poem and i really believe that poetry cant be critiqued because it is what it is. (unless theres gramatical or spelling errors in the piece)
    good write
    xoxoxomuchlove-ash
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]
      We all put up a front don't we, so as not to hurt the ones around us. But our masks get so hard to hold up and the pain inside is about to spill over. We have to find some way to let it drift out as it comes, or else we will be stuck in darkness for all of eternity.

    This may seem childish, but when I get to the point where I just want to let my life drift away from me I sit in the middle of my stuffed animals, my back against Black Bear, heh, my protector. I tell them what I have been dealing with, I let it all go, and they will never betray me, like so many other voices have. I sit in the center, music blaring, and usually fall asleep after telling them all of my troubles.

    I'm going to bring you a present one of these days, not for your birthday, just for you, I haope it will help you as much as its helped me, though it may seem childish to everyone else, it really works for me.

    Don't let your pain fester, it will become bitterness, and you will end up losing what you hold dear...believe me.

    Krazy, with more useless information.
    | Posted on 2005-04-24 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I feel like a complete jerk for not knowing you felt this way. I'm supposed to be your best friend, but I can't even tell when you're feeling empty and alone. I'm sorry I was so wrapped up in what was going on with me and chris that I didn't stop to make sure you were right there with me.

    On to your poem:
    "A blank and uncaring stare is masked
    by a fair facade of laughter."
    I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't even know what to say. I feel like I've failed you as a friend.

    I think you are bottling a lot up and I think you're going to end up hurting yourself if you don't talk to someone.

    LYLAS.
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      okay l;et me tell you exactly why this poem should be consecrated and sanctified. very simple concept: been there! if i could think of the perfect word to explain how i feel to this very moment, they'd suck because i just read this. the last line was Christ in written form. i tell jokes all the time, not because i'm funny but because it keeps my mind off of how utterly empty i am. you hit the nail on the head with some of these images

    There's nothing locked within the vault,
    no one would bother to break in, there's
    nothing of worth awaiting.

    my friends don't give a damn if i'm dpressed or not, but even if they did, there wouldn't be many words i could say that haven't been already, almost like...I'M HOLLOW. such a nice little development my life is. good job~nahlij
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really well done, the flow was great and so was the way you put it. Jess seems really sad, is there anything Aki can do to help? *huggles* C'ya later!
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      well first i ned to say buck up young sprout, but secondly id like to say that you did a fantastic job expressing your emotions other wise, my only suggestion is that in the poem in a few stanzas the word of seems to be shoved in were it doesnt fit i would switch it with a nother pronoun or something other wise high five
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by casey | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. I felt you could have done more with this. Just a feeling that it needed more. But I know the feeling none the less. I often hide my true depressed self with laughter, thinking that I'm sparing my friends the obligation to care. Especaily the guy I REALLY care about. I know how you feel (if this is of personal experience). I deffinately relate to this part of the poem:

    'Desolate wastelands of longing,
    barren fields of love,
    stripped forests of feeling.
    There's not even tears waiting to fall, they've
    been spent, stretched far beyond the limit.

    A blank and uncaring stare is masked
    by a fair facade of laughter." Great job overall.
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
      Jess!!!! I like this one, a lot. When you read it, it makes you think about and face the fact that what's on the outside of us all is just a mask. There isn't anyone in this world that really knows what's behind it, and because most everyone is so into themselves they never try to see what's beyond the surface. Some people don't even look beyond their own masks because they probably wouldn't like themselves. I love the metaphors or similies or whatever the hell they are called.

    Love
    Joqer
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Joqer | [ Reply to This ]


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