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    dots Submission Name: Spentdots

    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1296
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 645


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    And I began today
    so full of witless hope
    Such promise, yet to be fulfilled.
    Nurtured by words.
    Suckling the teet
    of those that came before.
    Those more astute than I.
    So why didn't they leave a rope,
    or maybe a ladder,
    to get over this wall I hit each day,
    instead of useless words.
    And I, yeah me,
    you'd think I'd have found a way around this wall,
    my closest friend, my albatross.
    But here I sit.
    At the bottom of the wall.
    looking up.
    ...damn, that's a beautiful sky

    Submitted on 2005-04-20 21:15:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||

    I love the way you have left it open to interpretation.

    As I read it I get the daily grind, love gone wrong, writers block, well basically any vicious circle scenario.
    There's also a layer of life's struggles and achieving the next level.
    We can live, love and learn as much as humanly possible yet there will always be those "walls" to hurdle.
    I related to it because I saw myself clearly in the aspects of love and voice. My voice is unclear and mumbles incoherently at me till I sit and TRY to hammer something out and it's crap. It was pure heart at one time and like my love(s), has drifted into those muted tones.
    That is exactly how this made me feel. Even with years of lessons yearned and words of wisdom for guidance offered up in abundance, I fine myself right back the beginning in both love and honing my voice.

    Like :

    at the bottom of the wall.
    looking up.
    ...damn, that's a beautiful sky


    Yep, I enjoyed it very much.


    | Posted on 2014-05-18 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate to this,-when your day starts of great and then just seems to fizzle.

    This is like that ,-it begins well, but then gets a little unclear (who are "they")and for a few lines we need some help to figure it out.

    But I liked the images of the sky, and the rope and ladder as a possible means to climbing that wall, and especially your friend the albatross.

    The ending is well crafted too, as he sits and remembers how good he felt when he first got up.
    It's a good thought to remember the good things when everything isn't going your way.
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this a lot. i have tried at stuff like this many times before and i think its pretty good, although i don't see as much meaning in the first part of the poem as the second, maybe it could be shorter.
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by cspj21 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way it ends, but it started off rather slow to me. Perhaps a few punchier words would grab the reader. Even something like "Damn! I hit the wall again" Would give me a framework. I think you'd do better with some emotional involvment. I love the images, like the rope, ladder and blue skys. I think it is a fantastic point to make. Many of us know what it is to be there.
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      I really canrelate to your poem. It's like me on abad day. Something bad happens and you try to prevent something else bad from happening but it doesn't work. Keep doing what you do best player and don't let nobody tell you different.
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by Queen Gemini | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. It really captured what I feel like on my wrost days. The flow was really great and even though the last line seemed a bit out of the flow it still fit in.
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]

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