Sending Snow by EternitysLyre

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Submission Name: Sending Snow dots

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Author:	EternitysLyre
ASL Info:	20/M/Taiwan.
Elite Ratio:	7.13 - 151/168/42
Words:	167

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	350
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1544

Description:
if it doesn't click, pray it never will

Sending Snow dots

-------------------------------------------

--she gave me your address.

No, ( . . . ) I knew

I just...

It's winter here;
('Whisp'ry, windy winter"--remember?)
Like feathers kissing your cheeks and then giggling into the background
--wet, sloppy,
leaving you looking like you'd cried

>>i'm
doing pretty well, myself
Got the dance moves down, for once
I'll never step on your toes again (anyway)

wrote the perfect letter {yeah--I know}
supermarket finally stocked that ice cream I {you}
loved so much

still
feel you from time to time,
[some mornings
-funny tingling where your arms used to be-
(you always made me laugh)
so hard]

---( ,) I'm not crying...

I ........ . . . . . . knew
[---right--from the start..]

Just-mailing a little snowflake,

----------- [ .goodbye]

Submitted on 2005-04-22 08:08:25 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Jonathan, this was beautiful. Real and beautiful. Simple and beautiful. Honest and beautiful. Heartbreak over the telephone. Anyway...

Wonderfully done. A Favorite. mae
| Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
  This isn't confusing.
Nope.
Its endearing to read, but I think an explanation would spoil its mysterious quality.
And I would also feel like I'm intruding on a very private exchange between two people very important to eachother.
I'd rather decipher the sound bites through the muffled sounds on the other side of the bedroom door. Or giggle at the phrases I can make out from a crackling cellular signal. The part I liked the most were the little insignificant facts that seemed to mean so much to the writer of the letter, because they hadn't much time left to communicate. Its the little things that matter.
This would certainly give one something to remember them by.

-Ishoes
| Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by iShoes | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow i feel sad inside now, but its not a bad thing i'm definately adding this to my faves. It is just so touching and moving it makes me think of everything i have lost and could loose. I have so much to loose and the one person i dont want to loose i may have to say goodbye to. That i believe is what hurts the most the goodbye finally letting go and knowing you can not go back.
| Posted on 2005-04-24 00:00:00 | by xPoetxBoyx | [ Reply to This ]
  very nice and...real. very much in the confusing-but-makes-sense style of taateli... (one of my favorites!) this was very touching, for some reason i love the commas-in-parentheses... it's... original and offbeat... this is so personal and in a style as such as there's no room for corrections... nice work. *md*
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
  You have a very unique and original style - very interesting. Though I was a bit confused while reading it, I still enjoyed it. I can't really think of anything that I'd change, since I've never seen anything written like this.

"It's winter here;
('Whisp'ry, windy winter"-remember?)." <- awesome line. :D

I liked the way you wrote this. Great job, keep writing.
-Remy.
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by stone-moth | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting style -
I klike this line alot .

Like feathers kissing your cheeks and then giggling into the background - personifying the snow flakes - then again the end - binding it with sending a snow flake.
"Just-mailing a little snowflake"
- sad - in a sense.
Definitely - longing for the person
-funny tingling where your arms used to be
- this sounds like a suicide note? - according to the comment ontop (description) - if it doesn't go click ... - Must say I enjoyed this fresh look to the form.

Funny how the small things keep us by - those special smiles - a certain way she turn to look at you. - yea it's all good.

Kind regards
BX
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]

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