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    dots Submission Name: Hatred Spurned by Fear...dots

    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1586

       The spacing is only there to make it easier to read. Other than that, no comment.

    Please, give me suggestions as to hos I could make this better.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHatred Spurned by Fear...dots

    Melancholy shadows dance through my head.
    Anger is raging, my vision's turning red.
    Burning with passion, Hatred takes control.
    Taking crushing blows, shattering my soul.

    Death begins to threaten, Darkness reigns supreme.
    Life is now becoming my very worst dream.
    Pain is my ecstasy. What brought me to this level?
    People don't hate me, and Heaven is ruled by the Devil.

    Fogging up my mind, my thoughts are going dark.
    A knife slices my wrist, leaving a bloody mark.
    I'm trying my hardest to defy the ways of fate.
    But no matter what I do, I'm always full of hate.

    Nobody knows, because I wear a mask.
    Absorbing all this pain from a poisoned silver flask.
    Shadows hide behind the light, evil behind the good.
    If only someone knew me, if I could only remove this hood.

    Many think I'm a sweetheart. Oh, what little do they know.
    Ebony clouds hang above me. Around me, tempest winds blow.
    Envy is my enemy, that's why I don't seem to care.
    I don't talk much, my feelings are impossible to share.

    If anyone knew, I wonder what they'd think.
    They'd probably abandon me, before you could even blink.
    I'm definitely losing everything, slowly but for sure.
    Something to quell this hatred, please I need a cure.

    I'm calling on you now, I really need you here.
    Help me find something to expel this unnatural fear.

    Submitted on 2005-04-22 10:42:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey suga!

    i thought this poem is the epitome of fear and terror. the idea that you are spiralling uncontrollably to somewhere that you cant escape. (and dont want to go)

    I think you desplayed very well the fear of isolation...and the belief that no one understands you...very nice dark poem.

    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      This starts out really well, the imagery is good; but getting to the end, it becomes a lot more...er...less cryptic. Though that could be what you are doing, coming up to the surface to cry for help. That's just my interpretation. This may be something that would do better as something that doesn't rhyme. It really does hold talent though, your use of words is well themed and it's a great read.
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]
      A nice poem of asking for something that you feel will save you. The feeling of fear and loneliness flowed well throughout the poem...and your rhyming was as good as it gets. I think its pretty darn good chica.
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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