Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hatred Spurned by Fear...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Areinaka
    ASL Info:    20, F, Oregon, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 130/114/29
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1586



    Description:
       The spacing is only there to make it easier to read. Other than that, no comment.

    Please, give me suggestions as to hos I could make this better.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHatred Spurned by Fear...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Melancholy shadows dance through my head.
    Anger is raging, my vision's turning red.
    Burning with passion, Hatred takes control.
    Taking crushing blows, shattering my soul.

    Death begins to threaten, Darkness reigns supreme.
    Life is now becoming my very worst dream.
    Pain is my ecstasy. What brought me to this level?
    People don't hate me, and Heaven is ruled by the Devil.

    Fogging up my mind, my thoughts are going dark.
    A knife slices my wrist, leaving a bloody mark.
    I'm trying my hardest to defy the ways of fate.
    But no matter what I do, I'm always full of hate.

    Nobody knows, because I wear a mask.
    Absorbing all this pain from a poisoned silver flask.
    Shadows hide behind the light, evil behind the good.
    If only someone knew me, if I could only remove this hood.

    Many think I'm a sweetheart. Oh, what little do they know.
    Ebony clouds hang above me. Around me, tempest winds blow.
    Envy is my enemy, that's why I don't seem to care.
    I don't talk much, my feelings are impossible to share.

    If anyone knew, I wonder what they'd think.
    They'd probably abandon me, before you could even blink.
    I'm definitely losing everything, slowly but for sure.
    Something to quell this hatred, please I need a cure.

    I'm calling on you now, I really need you here.
    Help me find something to expel this unnatural fear.




    Submitted on 2005-04-22 10:42:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey suga!

    i thought this poem is the epitome of fear and terror. the idea that you are spiralling uncontrollably to somewhere that you cant escape. (and dont want to go)

    I think you desplayed very well the fear of isolation...and the belief that no one understands you...very nice dark poem.

    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      This starts out really well, the imagery is good; but getting to the end, it becomes a lot more...er...less cryptic. Though that could be what you are doing, coming up to the surface to cry for help. That's just my interpretation. This may be something that would do better as something that doesn't rhyme. It really does hold talent though, your use of words is well themed and it's a great read.
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]
      A nice poem of asking for something that you feel will save you. The feeling of fear and loneliness flowed well throughout the poem...and your rhyming was as good as it gets. I think its pretty darn good chica.
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    55714

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Incubus written by monad
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Bond written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    To written by SavedDragon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Giving written by jjd
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry