Better Left Unsaid by blueorchids

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Submission Name: Better Left Unsaid dots

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Author:	blueorchids
ASL Info:	26/F/California
Elite Ratio:	6.35 - 1068/924/91
Words:	345

Class/Type:	Prose/Longing
Total Views:	630
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	2025

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I am damaged at my corners. The depressions ruin the chances I have to be picked up and enjoyed again. But I wouldn't trade my injuries, now these raised scars you've left to me, for the incomplete joy of never knowing your devastating steadiness.

There's only so much of you that my mind has held onto; Pain has a way of rationalizing the systematic forgetting of exquisite sweetness that has turned sour.

You've spoiled me for blue eyes that are brighter in the darkness, driving with two hands on the steering wheel and fragile Norwegian pastries that drizzle fine powdered sugar when biten into.

There was always a risk in accepting your gifts, given from so far away, taken on a bed where you would lay my naked body down and strip me of my working senses. Now it's hard to sleep with the world in my ears, cold sheets on my breasts, and the light of passerby headlamps teasing my eyes awake. Now that there's no way to taste your honey-colored skin, to smell the scent of your hair and dream, sure in the knowledge of your heat around me that I am not alone ...
it's hard.

We misunderstood the rare intimacy of my shaky breaths on the place where your neck meets your shoulder; we took it for granted that life would be kind enough to let me stay with you ... to let me get to the point where it's okay to say "I love you" and not want to have a reason to take those words back.

But I wish I had that reason ... sometimes.

I was "Beautiful" to you for the first time the last time we spoke; I was "Wonderful" to you, delicate in your arms, the softest my strengths will ever be that night and it has stayed on my skin like a pillow corner caress.

You remain my Grand Goodbye.

Submitted on 2005-04-22 13:14:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  You don't need to understand poetry to be part of this experience. This was just amazing
| Posted on 2008-08-10 00:00:00 | by lily21 | [ Reply to This ]
  God...I had to read it again.

Still one of the most beautiful and touching things I've ever read.

The blue eyes things breaks my heart over and over again.

This is such a powerful work.
| Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  I hold out my hand to touch my monitor in hopes of bleeding off jast a tich of you writing ability. This piece was so beautifully woven and so heart wrenchingly vivid that I found myself having a tear well up in the corner of my usually jaundiced eye. This is going immediately to my list of favorites so that it will allow me the opportunity to read and reread it many times over.
| Posted on 2007-09-10 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm sorry...forgive me for being crude, but this is just f*cking amazing.

I feel so much of this...

"You've spoiled me for blue eyes that are brighter in the darkness"

I hear you...

"There was always a risk in accepting your gifts, given from so far away, taken on a bed where you would lay my naked body down and strip me of my working senses. Now it's hard to sleep with the world in my ears, cold sheets on my breasts, and the light of passerby headlamps teasing my eyes awake. Now that there's no way to taste your honey-colored skin, to smell the scent of your hair and dream, sure in the knowledge of your heat around me that I am not alone ...
it's hard."

No-one can really understand this unless they've been here...

"We misunderstood the rare intimacy of my shaky breaths on the place where your neck meets your shoulder; we took it for granted that life would be kind enough to let me stay with you ... to let me get to the point where it's okay to say "I love you" and not want to have a reason to take those words back.

But I wish I had that reason ... sometimes."

I have no words...this is perfection.

"I was "Beautiful" to you for the first time the last time we spoke; I was "Wonderful" to you, delicate in your arms, the softest my strengths will ever be that night and it has stayed on my skin like a pillow corner caress.

You remain my Grand Goodbye."

I was never called beautiful or wonderful, nor would I tell anyone I loved them before my ex...and I wish I had never experienced any of it sometimes...

"I am damaged at my corners. The depressions ruin the chances I have to be picked up and enjoyed again. But I wouldn't trade my injuries, now these raised scars you've left to me, for the incomplete joy of never knowing your devastating steadiness."

And then there's that...a perfect description of so many of us that have been broken by our "great love"

This is so, so amazing...I wish I could think of a better word.

I wish you still wrote.

| Posted on 2007-09-10 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a very deep write
I really couldnt tell if you were glad or sad that the romance broke off
Just grab onto the feelings you learned from this relationship and let them carry you forward
Take Care
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a very deep write
I really couldnt tell if you were glad or sad that the romance broke off
Just grab onto the feelings you learned from this relationship and let them carry you forward
Take Care
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  To make yourself vulnerable to another is a step which cannot be taken back, for the footprint remains. Love... that leap, it is 50/50 that one may dive gracefully into the water or crush themselves on the rocks below. I liked this piece because it points to these things. An honest write, that gives much insight. Good work. Take care.
| Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
  do you know what would be the cruellest cut? it would be to be told that this was an exercise in writing prose...
the prospect of the author being able to sit down and churn this out without feeling it themselves would for me be a Grand Goodbye.
it's funny (strange) how readers will imbue the writer with the power and glory of their own words - but who lives a life like this?
if you're not living your life this way, then it seems reasonable to suppose that your spirit is - and that's all I need to know to suppose to remain cut free...
always just that bit more special than excellent.
take it easy.
lemonsqueezy.
K
| Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
  I have a confession, -I read this a week ago,-but was unable to comment at the time, so i saved the page to keep coming back to, to read over and over again. I love this, because it sounds like I think, but I never manage to put it that way on paper.

There are so many expression, turns of a phrase, that you used, that one could take and write a small poem on the same theme; Like "I am damaged at my corners" Like, the entire third paragraph, and like the last paragraph, especially "- the softest my strengths will ever be that night and it has stayed on my skin like a pillow corner caress. I loved the imagery, all so original,-like "fragile Norwegian pastries that drizzle fine powdered sugar when biten into."-who else could relate that image to the poignant loss of love?

This seriously, is just a super write, it is prose, yet one of the most poetic pieces of this type I have ever read. The last paragraph, like the preceeding ones, was utterly loaded with feeling and layers of images, like a collage of words, and pictures, all sealed in a delicate filmy glaze. My eyes glaze. and you end

"You remain my Grand Goodbye. "
-and the glaze dissolves and spills to the floor.

Just Super
A Fave

Sally
| Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  this was exquisite. the loss and the love and the remembering. so personal and yet distant as if you are looking down on it happening right now. loving this way always seems to end up to be something that doesn't last-at least that has been my experience and although it is painful, it also teaches us the extent of feeling we all possess. you have depicted that so perfectly. excellent writing. I would call it prose.
| Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  You manage to strike a delicate balance here between emotion and stark reality. And it fits so well, it makes me cry out and want to protect myself from love and all it's mastering ways. But you let us in enough to know you would never give it up, love even at it's worst is still worth every minute. The intensity of love makes us feel everything with insidious abandon. But I love it, and this too.
peace and love,
Nan
| Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, that was somehow really really interesting! I really am not sure whether I have read any of your poems before or not! I think I didn't! But I think after reading this one I'll try to read more of your poems at least to judge better.

And now about the prose itself; I think that this is a beautiful good prose indeed, of course the subject of the prose isn't new but the way it was presented was good and somehow innovative too (in my point of view), the prose is well written with nearly no spelling mistakes and that is a very important thing because I believe that spelling mistakes take alot from the beauty of any poem / prose / thought or whatever!

And I must talk about the tittle ( Better Left Unsaid ), which was very well chosen and it captures the attention of the readers (it captured mine), and also the description which I believe to be a very important tool for the writer to use to capture the attention of the readers and to give a prior presentation to the poem and I think you somhehow failed in doing any of that because you didn't even use it from the first place!

I think that the emotion was flowing all over the prose and the sincerity too! And that is a very important thing, as I believe that the key to the succes of any writing is how sincere is it and how was it presented to the reader and did it touch him in a way or another! Because that is what writing is all about! It is all about translating our emotions in to words.

I also want to say that you have your wau with words to create beautiul images with well chosen words!

Like when you say

"There's only so much of you that my mind has held onto; Pain has a way of rationalizing the systematic forgetting of exquisite sweetness that has turned sour."

And also when you say;

"We misunderstood the rare intimacy of my shaky breaths on the place where your neck meets your shoulder; we took it for granted that life would be kind enough to let me stay with you ... to let me get to the point where it's okay to say "I love you" and not want to have a reason to take those words back."

Those were very beautiful, powerful, and emotional words too!

And also the last stanza "The finale" which was very good and well written too.

"I was "Beautiful" to you for the first time the last time we spoke; I was "Wonderful" to you, delicate in your arms, the softest my strengths will ever be that night and it has stayed on my skin like a pillow corner caress.

You remain my Grand Goodbye. "

I really liked those last words specially the last line!

Anyway I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
| Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
  oh my, this is just beautiful. it has such a sense of longing and deep pain. this is just exquisite and i really can't say much more than that. beautiful and tragic. a fave.
| Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  teach me a new way to write! i wanted to write something like this, like a short fictiony thing that blends poetic lines. sorry i can't offer more, i'm really depressed lately but i like this and everything of yours i've read.
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
  You take this just to the brink without going too far. Self-pity is kept to a minimum; the composure of it is what perfects it.

It's very painful to read, pretty much heart-rending. But hopefully therapeutic to write!

One thing… I'm thinking 'you remain my Grand Goodbye' would be better, and can't think why except that it just sounds right to me, but I guess it depends on what sounds right to you.

I think you're writing just fine. Wish it wasn't so sad, but this is one of the best pieces I've read by you in a long time. 'Sensual' is right.

*Big sigh*

Becky
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
  A good little vignette you have going here--very sensual. It reminds me of an Irish triad I heard once, about three things worse than sorrow: to wait to die and to die not, to try to please and to please not, and to wait for someone who comes not.

I think this is the right length, if you choose to keep it in this style -- it's long enough to paint a detailed picture but much longer and it'll start to drag. However, I don't know if I like the little list in the middle, the three things that are spoiled. It seems a bit too mechanical. Of course, there's the line before about rationalization and everything, but I think you could phrase it differently, such as "Blank, blank, and blank are three things you have spoiled for me."
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by blackpearl | [ Reply to This ]
  :'( I'm near tears. I seriously am. Wait a sec... ok, nose wiped, lemme get on with this. I don't even need to say that I loved it. It would be too shallow a word. I also don't think I could look in the dictionary and find the name of the nauseating longing in the pit of my stomach that this poem made me feel. I...I... rats, I can't think of anything here to correct or suggest to make better. It's perfect the way it is. Of course, I'm sure some other less sentimental freak might come along and point out something I let slip by, but... aw, heck, who cares. I loved it, truly did. I'm blabbing. Sorry... Keep up...

*sigh*

drika
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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