Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: These Webs #1(edited)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkened_soul
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 812/868/171
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1374
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 474



    Description:
       I had previous posted a three-part series of poetry called these webs, and I decided to re-edit them. This is the first piece.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThese Webs #1(edited)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I get entangled and I get lost
    I get thrown and I get tossed
    I get beat, and I get used
    I get hurt, and I get abused.

    But I leave you not, my dear
    But things won't change, I fear
    I'll end up hurt, maybe even dead
    If I upset you a bullet in my head.

    I am in anger, and so much pain
    Like the thunder and the rain
    So entangled in webs I shall stay
    Until you finally go away.




    Submitted on 2005-04-22 14:14:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      first part was genious i think,if it would have continued in the same track.one of the best i would have probably read
    one mans opinion

    wes all toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the repetition for effect in the first stanza, but it's a bit TOO much to me. Otherwise, a nice piece for its length. Imagery is intense. Keep it up!

    Sarah
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by Deadly Sauce | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    55744

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry