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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: second period astronomy.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jinx
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.37 - 44/58/26
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 278
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1048



    Description:
       this is really bad, i know. its basically what was going on in my head in science when i had this agoraphobia attack. (not too serious, no one noticed). we're studying astronomy, you see. go ahead, bash it. i know it sucks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssecond period astronomy.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It made my chest ache
    from the inside
    right behind my ribcage.
    There was something
    that was falling apart-
    that used to live
    behind the barren walls
    of bleached, soulless bone.

    The crab nebula
    formed 12 stars
    and still, is not empty;
    we have watched
    that vast expanse,
    found hundreds of nebulae
    but still,
    we cannot count them.

    And just as something
    surely has died
    within my hollow form
    we surely will never understand
    how this ball of molten
    something
    came to be,
    or where this spit-up
    of molecular chaos
    originated.

    As that something died
    it let out
    one last questioning beat-
    it asked me
    where it came from
    where it was going
    what it was before-
    and it died:
    imploded,
    and sucked in
    walls of bleached, soulless bone
    as i told it
    we would never know.




    Submitted on 2005-04-22 16:57:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This starts off well, expressing really well how astronomy makes you feel. But i think the last verse is a bit rambly and could do with some structuring. The stuff about your heart imploding is a good original idea, but i think given the scope of the subject you are dealing with you could have done more to express the vastness of the universe and how it overwhelms you. I'd also change the title to agoraphobia, but that's just my personal preference. Overall, a good try. There's definitely potential here. xxx
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by tulip | [ Reply to This ]
      shannon is a poo who disguises herself as a crumpet wen really she loves pizza but has a boyfriedn from italy which by the way is the country in witch the men have the largest penis's.
    | Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by hurtinkid | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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