one, two, three, four

Author: bite my lip ASL Info:    20/f/nc Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 59 /79 /12 Words: 96

Class/Type: Poetry /Longing Total Views: 1235 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 689

Description:

---

one, two, three, four

---

one. two. three. four. count every star. count every scar. they will never heal. i wouldn't want them to. they are little pieces of you toxic arms. and heroin smile. your cigarrette still burns on my shoulder. i can still smell your smoke. and the glass still dances in my room. you made me feel so worthless so empty, so broken. but god damnit, you made me feel. and that... that made me beautiful. so my bruises, a piece of heaven look and see. there's five, six, and seven.

Submitted on 2005-04-23 00:46:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

very different in a liking manner, i really liked you made me feel so worthless so empty, so broken. but god damnit, you made me feel. and that... that made me beautiful. how you composed it with such articulation, as for the ending i might suggest there's five, six, and seven, and... but i'm not the writer, well done

| Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]

i liked it..it was different. But it almost seemed like you didnt finish it...so my bruises, a piece of heaven look and see. there's five, six, and seven...i didnt like the ending..it just seemed incomplete. I liked the idea of scars and bruises making a person beautiful.And even though that person made u hurt..they also made u feel..i can relate to this situation. I think you could make this even better..maybe more descriptive. good job

| Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

55809