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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Reaper Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 234
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 963
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1437



    Description:
       Written in 1995.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReaper Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Seas of dreams that scare me further from, sleep....
    I run away so fast, I don't have time to hear myself scream.
    I'm weak and mean...but to you I seem so sweet.
    Not to fear...
    The reaper is here....
    Black, silken robe, Sickle in his skeleton's hand and cloaked in the dark,
    Gliding through the human misery and standing smoke.
    Then he starts to speak...
    Come to me...
    You'll finally have harmony and peace......
    You won't ever again feel weak...
    Here...Love never dies,
    You won't sit alone and cry or be tricked by unbelievable lies.
    Up ahead...do you see the light...
    Bright and shining down upon the victims of life.

    He understands how hard it is to keep trying to survive....
    He sends us up to the garden in the sky....
    Floating around.....
    I suddenly hear a sound...
    Familiar voices filled with words of pain,
    I try to speak back but I'm no longer the same.
    The reaper took my life with one quick swing,
    Who knows why but....
    Death to me.....he was suppose to bring.
    My head fell and rolled to his feet,
    My soul slipped out, he grabbed it up and tucked it in his sleave.
    The reaper grinned and walked away...
    His job was done here......but theres always another soul on which to prey.




    Submitted on 2005-04-23 02:15:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ok, yeah, I did read this before the rewrite :)...I like the flow of this better. I can't remember exactly how the original poem went, cuz I read it a few days ago...I do remember the first/third person shift and you seemed to have changed that :)...someone else wrote a poem about the grim reaper...I think it was Magnicat...Now all I can think about is The Grim Reaper and Twister DAMMIT! :P...NIce rewrite from a '95 poem :)

    StW
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      The Grim Reaper is cool :)... I don't have any idea why, but for some reason all I could think of was the Grim Reaper from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey when they were playing twister and battleship :P...<shrug> I guess the grim reaper has been humorized so much that he loses his intimidation factor <shrug>...I like the poem...the 3rd person/1st person shift, unless i miss my mark was actually just a 1st person but you used the YOU as the first person describing things to another party...maybe putting those lines in quotes would help?...anyways, good write :)

    Keep on writin!

    STW
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      hey girl! another awesome poem!

    Hm, I think you put in a few too many "..."'s (i forgot their name). It's deep and beautiful, yes, but if you use it too much, it wears off and looses it's power.

    [...]further from sleep...[...]>> i think that was a typo there, the comma.

    I also noticed the first and third person shift. Got me a bit confused.

    I must say you seem longing for death here. Really longing for the end of all, unable to keep on. You even manage to make it sound appeasing and a good way out. I particularly liked

    [...]Black, silken robe, Sickle in his skeleton's hand and cloaked in the dark,
    Gliding through the human misery and standing smoke.[...]

    Haha, I could see this dark creature sliding towards me. Brrrr...hehe...

    good job, CC!

    :*drika
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      Seas of dreams that scare me further from, sleep...

    You suddenly hear a sound...

    This begins in the first person and ends in the third...how, when and why did it shift?

    I can feel the power in the images, good job. However some things seem wordy. You might try taking out a few words at a time and see if it reads better. Example: change "Then he starts to speak..." to "then he speaks".
    | Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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