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    dots Submission Name: Silhouette of a Mandots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 870
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 489

       If the poem doesn't describe what my thoughts were when I wrote it then I've lost the ability to write altogether.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilhouette of a Mandots

    I知 just a silhouette
    the faint breeze
    cross the back of your neck

    so tell me
    your hairs standing on end
    you致e heard me

    and I知 just a silhouette
    the memory
    of lips running down your arm

    so tell me
    that your eyes are closed
    your hearts been
    beating fast

    But I知 just a shadow
    In the longing dreams
    Holding onto what I wish could be

    Submitted on 2005-04-23 12:01:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey John, I read hanuman's comment and agree with that 100%. It's a fine compliment coming from him and I really don't have the time to tell you why your piece resonates, but it does. ......without a doubt! (~_^)
    | Posted on 2005-05-30 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      A delicate, understated, nostalgic poem of lost love. I dunno, sometimes I think we rough males write the sweetest poetry. This was beautiful, a thin stemmed crystal glass of a poem, beautiful but somehow fragile. Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      well...theres alot i could say about this write...and you will never lose your ability to write...its in you...we all have moments where we feel disconnected from ourselves...our feeling in which we have trouble putting them on paper...but trust me ...it will return...its part of t makes you you...that makes you such a wonderful person...but ...about the write itself...it defently is longing to me...the longing of wishing to be with someone...but you feel so far out of reach...maybe because you.ve never met this person...or you feel you've lost touch with them...but then theres parts where you talk to this person saying...i know you.ve heard my whispers you.ve thought of me...you.ve felt my soul touch you...aseach day goes by...the line i'm just a silloutte...thosefirst three lines...i love these...because...it makes me think you feel like your not good enough maybe for this person...or you describe yourself this way because your far away from this person...or...you see this person everyday...but they only see you as a freind...so you feel like they really arent seeing you ...they are not seeing you like you want them too...i could go on and on this write saysso much to me...though i feel pretty disconnected from you lately...its hard for me to read asdeeply into your writing...though thats my fault...lol...i got so used to knowing some of your thoughts behind your rights...but now...since we havent spoken in so long...but anyways truly beautiful piece...it speaks so honest and personally right from your subconcious...its sad in a sense...the longing of wishing you werewith this person...or have this person see you are more...or maybe its you not believing your good enough for them...but you want to be...i dont know...i'm babbling...and i've had no coffee...so bare with me...lol...,.and i also feel the longing of wanting this person...but the doubt of it ever happening...the doubt that it could ever be reality...the wondering...you wondering...if it could really be ...but like i said i could go on and on about this...there are so many thoughts i get from thiswrite...so many feelings...ange
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      this makes me miss you
    maybe im just nostaglic but no
    this is really nice
    shows progress from your older stuff
    some very poignt (sp) moments like the kissing
    and the faint breeze on the back of a neck
    its kinda sexy
    i get caught up in the last line
    what iwish could be
    i think maybe the order of it i keep reading what you wish i could be or something like that
    i dont know
    but i like this
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by scorpio sphinx | [ Reply to This ]
      My interpretation of this poem is that you were once involved with someone, but are no longer in this person's life, and yet your presence continues to be sensed by this person as if you were still there.
    I sense a lot of longing and regret in this piece, a lot of memories that haunt both parties involved, even if what they both want is unachievable.
    What I like most about this poem is probably the sensory aspect of it. I alomst wanted to read this with my eyes closed (and then quickly realized I couldn't : ) ), almost like the picture and feelings could only be really seen without the distractions of normal vision. Very interesting in that respect.
    | Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by WolfStar | [ Reply to This ]
      I知 just a silhouette
    the faint breeze
    cross the back of your neck

    I have trouble connecting the silhouette with the breeze.

    Would you consider something a little more descriptive?

    The back of your neck
    feels me as a faint breeze
    no substance, only a silhouette

    or maybe
    I知 just a silhouette
    like the faint breeze
    cross the back of your neck
    | Posted on 2005-04-23 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]

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