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Carolina


Author: Malcolm Bishop
Elite Ratio:    2.09 - 355 /189 /39
Words: 173
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 1207
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1168



Description:




Carolina



Lithe and petite, she was a grand grace,
diamond blue eyes...porcelain face.

Lips the shade of embarrassed cheek,
conveyance of strength, with a touch of meek.

She preferred vodka but would also drink gin,
so long as the band played, she'd always grin.

Her hair was of a cherry wood tone,
she loved the sound of the saxophone.

She wore pearls on her ears and around her neck,
she'd dance the Charleston till her knees were a wreck.

She'd always wear one pigment of clothes,
sky-blue dresses with shoes and hose.

Carolina was a lady 'bout town,
known to every speakeasy for miles around.

She'd drink and carouse, not mind being used,
so long she was accepted, drinking bootleg booze.

One night in August she was found in a room,
on a filthy mattress, her life was her doom.

Now in that city, when the last call is announced,
everyone knocks back a shot, and her name is pronounced.

Carolina...cheers.






Submitted on 2005-04-24 05:14:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  The separation of this piece into rhyming couplets makes it a breeze to read and makes it look more structured.

A sad story of a woman about town that met her demise... Is this based on a true story? It hints at it, most assuredly. Perhaps you were at a bar that she used to frequent, and the bartender told you that story? It has the air of a tale passed on to many, to become a legend in its own right.

The only nitpicks would be to capitalize Charleston, and to change the word drank to drink...
'She'd drink and carouse'
- the syntax makes more sense...

Cheers for the post,
Jase
| Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Ordinarily I don't really like rhyming pieces. They really have to be subtle for me to enjoy them. I think you were subtle in most places in this piece. There were a few lines that I thought were a stretch maybe just for the sake of the rhyme.

I love the old time feel of this. I picture hot nights in the South... drinking moonshine. I love the line," Lips the shade of embarrassed cheek,"...I think that is a great image. Very unique.

There is something entrancing and magical about the South and all it's history and the vibes and all. I have always loved it...my daughter's name is Savanna. This piece had a great vibe.

I like your melancholy ending for this one and the way I can envision everyone in the club clinking their glasses for one last drink to this lady.

I enjoyed this.
*magnolia*
| Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice piece you have there. But I felt that the rythm slowed at some places.
Sad story, very well told. very good description of atmosphere and time for I guess it is in the 50's ? right?

I loved the description at first, very nicely put.
"Lithe and petite, she was a grand grace,
diamond blue eyes...porcelain face.

Lips the shade of embarrassed cheeks,
conveyance of strength, with a touch of meek."

I think the embarassed cheek worked very well, very nice comparison, unusual image, for as I see an unusual lady.

Viviane
| Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow... this is... wow. i really don't know what to say.

"She'd drank and carouse, not mind being used,
so long she was accepted, drinking bootleg booze."

how sad... this was really good. i'm sorry, i'm trying really hard to find something helpful to say but i can't... ...bb...

XoXo
~TaY~
| Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow...first of, lettme say, congrats on such a great write...second of all, the only reason i'm commenting is cuz the other other comments are to short and i feel tat this poem deserves more(although im not the correct person to give it, i'll try my best!)

first of all, i love the beginning..i'd hv to say the first six lines were my favorite... the way u describe her, diamond blue eyes and a porcelain face...

the comparison of lips the color of embarassed cheek...nice...

i find the story kind of sad, tat she dies; tat she would let ppl use her as long as she was accepted, and that she drinks so much...it annoys me how people think that drinking will take their problems away when all it does is gives them a headache in the morning and their face in the toilet...

"Caroline cheers"...that's a excellent ending, brings the poem so much more meaning!

i do have one question...wat made u write this poem? were u trying to give it a deeper meaning?? anywayz tats all i hv to say for now...
congrats on a great write
Deeps
| Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by DeepsLighter | [ Reply to This ]
  This was indeed a very well written poem. The flow and rhyme was excellent. I had gotten so into it, the ending really twisted me around.
Cheers to Carolina! and to you.
Bravo
Carol (short for Caroline)
No wonder it captivated me.
| Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
  i dont know what to say i am utterly speechles, this is the best poem that i have ever read on this site, i havent read poetry that good until,
well now i supose, it was a very uniqe poem with a deep meaning. please keep writeing.
| Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by catie jo | [ Reply to This ]
  ...umm...wow...it says alot...really deep...i like the flow of it. it reminds me of some book i read. really interesting. well great write!
| Posted on 2005-04-24 00:00:00 | by chaos_bite | [ Reply to This ]
  wow... it has a lot of meaning, it's really good.
Nice words, it makes me want to write like that.
nice poem, i give it 4 stars...cheers!
| Posted on 2005-04-24 00:00:00 | by breathless | [ Reply to This ]


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