Description: i dont know what i was thinking writing this poem i honestly think it isnt that good what i aimed for was to draw this picture of this man who watched everything through his life from the glorious of angels rising to the despairing sight of the fallen from the tears of men to the joys of life he would but watch and nothing else and now he dies and leaves nothing behind him noi name no deed he is banished to the realms of forgetfullness.
The Beholder -------------------------------------------
watch the angels ascend into the sky
watch the mortal man... watch him die
watch the tears roll down his face
watch the dark lord fall from grace
watch the sands of time slowly unfold
watch the mystries of rhyme remain untold
and when your eyes grow tired and weary
and when your soul is old and dreary
then embrace your fate with open arms
for you've not grasped life, nor its charms
for you were content to watch and see
lest you take this voyage through raging sea
a cowards life you chose to lead
and past your death lives no deed
for you were but a spec of sand
swept away to the cursed land...
Well for one, you pulled of what you were trying to pull off. It's funny how you can think something sucks compared to what you wanted it to be, but in other people's eyes, it's what you wanted it to be. This is well written and very imaginative. I can't think of anything negative to say about it.
I disagree. You're putting a message across, not rhyming, and I like it the way it is. Nice moral in here, don't be a watcher, do something to become immortal, I like it a lot. I liked your structure and the "no punctuation" style, although usually that irks me, it seemed to work here. Very well done, Be Happy Graeme