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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: These Webs #3(edited)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkened_soul
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 812/868/171
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1161
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 491



    Description:
       The third and last piece of this set.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThese Webs #3(edited)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am at the end of my road
    I have heard the stories told
    I know that you've been around
    I know you move without a sound.

    But I also know that you are weak
    You can't stand or even speak
    Now I think that I should run
    Past the meadows, on and on.

    But I can't run away from you
    I am sick of everything you do
    I'm sick of being treated like this
    I've broken out from these webs.




    Submitted on 2005-04-25 10:00:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i think everything should be two seperate words it would give the poem a better flow for the readers at least thats how i would read it or whatever
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by cartoon autopsy | [ Reply to This ]
      its an ok poem...the rythm was really off..and you went from a forced ryhme to none at all..which was a bit strange. The idea was good and original..however i felt that the end was lacking something..you just need to bransh off more and spiff this piece up.
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont agree with the other two comments, I really got into this poem and understood it intirely. I think however that after I read the first to parts it will all fit together even more.
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by kp_2007 | [ Reply to This ]
      I haven't read the other two parts to this but this piece seems incomplete or not completely developed. Perhaps with the other two poems it makes more sense.
    My other suggestion is to becareful that your work does not turn into rants with the use of "I" too much, but as I said I haven't read all three pieces.
    As Emo has already commented you have a good strong structure, so I think as soon as I get a minute I'll read the other two pieces then read this again.
    jan
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Overall, this is pretty good. Nothing is really great, but the only thing that stands out is the last line. It doesn't fit with the rhythm or rhyme of the rest of the poem, and it just doesn't seem like an ending. You're going to want a really strong ending, especially if this is a three-part set. Nice job though!

    -emo.
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]


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