The End of an Era by amateur

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Submission Name: The End of an Era dots

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Author:	amateur
Elite Ratio:	4.86 - 19/22/11
Words:	47

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	253
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	382

Description:
hmm. just venting.

The End of an Era dots

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He sold his soul
to childhood horrors
and grew into
a wretched being
stuck
inside
a wretched cycle
bound for eternal
repetition....
Until seed sprung from
him to womb
and grew into
a better being
broke
out of
the wretched cycle
bound toward eternal
progression.

Submitted on 2005-04-25 12:44:39 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
This is precious. Some of your expressions are especially artful, eg: "out of the wretched cycle/bound toward eternal progression" and this refrain with its subtle changes is sweet to the taste. Don't know about the one-liners "stuck/inside", it just makes it hard to read. The grammar in "Until seed sprung from him to wom" is a little sketchy. Nice use of ellipse after "repitition..." Perfect i might add. I bet this piece could be even better if you developed it more. For instance perhaps: the "the childhood horrors" could use a little fleshing out. Nice work. :) Peace
| Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by razmohin2 | [ Reply to This ]

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