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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: IN LOVE'S WATERSdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xtremegentleman
    ASL Info:    22/m/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 595/778/82
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1572
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1612



    Description:
       The piece pretty much describes itself. It is dedicated to someone special of course who is afraid to remove the walls around her heart and fall in love again. After being hurt significantly it is hard to trust again and this is apersuasive piece...or at least it is supposed to be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIN LOVE'S WATERSdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Standing at the river afraid to dive in
    Like an urge to write thoughts but not knowing where to begin
    Love's crystal clear waters await you my friend
    But you hesistate, terrified of drowning again

    You look down and you frown upon your smiling reflection
    As if contentment is a mistake so you offer correction
    And the walls around your heart seem to offer protection
    But you're neglected because those walls rebuke my affection

    Join me in the river where love's waters do stream
    You think I'm too good to be true but I am just as I seem
    Your eyes are transparent...I can see in your soul
    Your spirit wants this but your heart is telling it "no"

    Your true emotions are evident with every embrace
    Your inner thoughts speak--"happiness is no other place"
    Warm in each other's arms...hardly speaking, silent charms
    As we express our emotions in the strangest of forms

    This is different. I understand your fear and refrain
    But I am bound by your love and what can break through these chains?
    Don't stick your feet in! Take a leap! There is so much to gain
    Plus every benefit that comes with wearing my last name

    Baby I won't let you sink because I love you too much
    Let's share a kiss in the river as passion runs through us
    Take the risk, I'll deliver...My love knows no end
    And I'll be wading in the waters 'til you're ready to dive in




    Submitted on 2005-04-25 14:12:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this a lot, it flowed smoothly the whole time. Also I saw a lot of orginality in this. One line I loved was:"Baby I won't let you sink because I love you too much
    Let's share a kiss in the river as passion runs through us" I don't know why I liked that one so much it just struck something in me and I was like ohh I like this line. Great Job!
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by MurphyGirl44 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really nice poem. So well written and full of feelings! Yeah it is sooo hard to trust again after you have been hurt. It seems the heart tends to remember the pain longer than it remembers the joy. And this is tragic as you end up caring this "baggage" into the next relationship and no matter how good it is or how trustworthy the person seems, the doubt and fear remain and sometimes can be destructive. You have written a lovely poem and speak of being on the receiving end of someone struggling with doubt and the last stanza is so beautifully written describing understanding and patience "wading in the waters until you are ready" and that is awesome! Really nice read! Take care!
    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey this is a wonderful piece, I loved its element of innocence and patience. Its so optimistic and so very inspirational. Having been in complex relationships my self, I can really relate and it gets harder for you to trust the second time, third time and many other times. Especially if you want to get invloved with another being. However cuz love is hopeful, it encourages us to be brave. Hey let me not write a book, but this is a lovely read!Thnx4 sharing:Kind Rgds Nobantu!
    | Posted on 2005-08-06 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      Kleenex nr 198 kleenex nr199! Boy if you are 4real then this girl must hav been really really hurt! i don't wana say that i totally relate but i went out with the guy that promised me the world treated me like a queen and was just amazingly sweet - but sh*t happens and i got hurt REAL badly and the thort of leeting sum other guy get so close to me emotional SCARCES the hell out of me. give her time she'l come swimmming with you in no time.
    Keep spreading the love
    Nadia*
    | Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes love is a Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk Major Risk , but without great risk,there's no great love. One could ask themselves, will I take a pill and have no fights, no passion just exist like a good brother and sister relationship or have great passion by living and proving to each other what it take to have great love.

    She should be very happy with this poem,bravo to you for wanting her to take a leap,yet catch her.
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohhhh...That is so wonderful. I wish someone would write like that to me! You must be a good guy! It's so wonderful how you are so understanding and can get inside the mind of the person you love so well. You two must relate wonderfully. I'm sorry she's (assuming she) so resentful about her past and won't let her love you like you want to love her. Don't give up cuz if she has a guy like you You're worth taking the risk! Only negative I got for ya is I don't like where you used rebuke. it sorta messed up the flow well that was sweet and brightened my day peace-Mysterious-
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Mysterious Blue | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so beautiful x... damn, it's all sweet and sh*t but i kinda feel like crying... lost that because of my own stupidity... anyway, i'm glad you're happy... this poem clearly reflects that... yeah, i think i'm adding this to my favorites...

    "Love's crystal clear waters await you my friend
    But you hesistate, terrified of drowning again"

    so true...so true...
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... She is so lucky, and she doesn't even really know it yet. If only I could get a man to write like that to me...I guess some of us aren't so lucky.

    Great write, and keep it up, I can't wait to read more. I'm adding this one to my favorites.

    Unicorn
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Dam, dam, dam. That's what I'm talking about little bro.
    Who can resist such passion, such love. This was perfect in all aspects. No critique needed here. Just praise for an exellent way to ask someone to try again.
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by SmoothePapa | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I really liked this. I know a few people, men and women, who have been burned so many times in the past that they just dont trust it when someone tells them they love them...because they have heard it before and been let down. I have too. I liked the river/drowning analogy in the first stanza:

    Love's crystal clear waters await you my friend
    But you hesistate, terrified of drowning again

    Nice wording. Good job. Have a good one and keep writin'
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      awwwww- charlie!

    this is one of the most sweetly sensitive writes that i have seen from you in a looooonnnngg time. i absolutely love the end. i could just picture it!

    keep in mind that womens hearts are sometimes the most fragile things there are in this world! they start out tough, then get abused so much they cant take too much of anything. if you love her, then patience is the best thing you can do for her! its not easy to be reckless with your heart, once it has been smashed into a million pieces...she may not even be finished putting it back together again. let her work it out in her time...or you may lose her...

    just something to think about!
    luv
    -nikki
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      Besides the fact that I'm all wet...*shakes hair and splashes you with water* I'm moved by this piece...It kinda fits into where I'm standing in life...at the waters edge afraid of sinking yet yearing to swim...another beautiful piece and another fav.
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


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