Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It Was the Only Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Emma_closes
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 88/111/44
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 806
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1148



    Description:
       A lot "sweeter" than stuff I usually write...
    It's sort of based off of the same death as "It Will Never Rain". I guess I'm kind of hung up on that, as well I should be. But this is a very romanticized version of what happened, combined with a sort of strange metaphore. Let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt Was the Only Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You didn't want me to remember
    that cold night, last November,
    you wrapped me in a silver lining
    to break my fall
    and stop the shining
    light from ever easing open
    any doors that you left broken.
    You knew the memories would come
    and cut you off from everyone
    It was the only time I'd seen
    tears grace your eyes
    for broken years
    and what once was an endless hope.
    You had to say good-bye to me
    Out on the dock,
    you thought I'd see
    your reasoning
    but I was at a loss.
    It was the only time I'd seen
    that sadness on your face,
    because you knew that memories
    would quickly take its place.
    I know you wished that I'd forget
    how you looked as you wept.
    You didn't want to go,
    because the moonlight seemed so soft
    you just hoped that I would know
    but I was at a loss.
    It was the only time I'd seen
    your heart fall to your feet,
    and I hope that when you see the moon
    you'll still think of me.




    Submitted on 2005-04-25 16:11:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like how you started this. "you wrapped me in a silver lining" is an excellent line. i love it. there are only a few lines that didn't really jump at me, but this piece as a whole was really nice to read.

    the only thing i would suggest is that you don't break up the lines so much. i like it sometimes, but you seemed to do it everywhere, and leave lines hanging, and it kind of confused me.

    _rachel
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    56116

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Genesis written by saartha
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Stretto written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    This written by Chelebel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Cage written by distortedcloud

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry