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    dots Submission Name: It Was the Only Timedots

    Author: Emma_closes
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 88/111/44
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 735
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1148

       A lot "sweeter" than stuff I usually write...
    It's sort of based off of the same death as "It Will Never Rain". I guess I'm kind of hung up on that, as well I should be. But this is a very romanticized version of what happened, combined with a sort of strange metaphore. Let me know what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt Was the Only Timedots

    You didn't want me to remember
    that cold night, last November,
    you wrapped me in a silver lining
    to break my fall
    and stop the shining
    light from ever easing open
    any doors that you left broken.
    You knew the memories would come
    and cut you off from everyone
    It was the only time I'd seen
    tears grace your eyes
    for broken years
    and what once was an endless hope.
    You had to say good-bye to me
    Out on the dock,
    you thought I'd see
    your reasoning
    but I was at a loss.
    It was the only time I'd seen
    that sadness on your face,
    because you knew that memories
    would quickly take its place.
    I know you wished that I'd forget
    how you looked as you wept.
    You didn't want to go,
    because the moonlight seemed so soft
    you just hoped that I would know
    but I was at a loss.
    It was the only time I'd seen
    your heart fall to your feet,
    and I hope that when you see the moon
    you'll still think of me.

    Submitted on 2005-04-25 16:11:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like how you started this. "you wrapped me in a silver lining" is an excellent line. i love it. there are only a few lines that didn't really jump at me, but this piece as a whole was really nice to read.

    the only thing i would suggest is that you don't break up the lines so much. i like it sometimes, but you seemed to do it everywhere, and leave lines hanging, and it kind of confused me.

    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]

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