Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mr. Sandy's Insanitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ConScribe
    ASL Info:    19/M/Tucson,AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.11 - 262/360/143
    Words: 571
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 574
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3363



    Description:
       I wrote this peice the way I wanted to and I don't want to change a singel thing about it because this one is for me. I make a subtle hint to a nursery rhyme I use to love. Remember this one is for me and madness is the only subject, that and Mr. Sandy of course. I think I could make this into some kind of children's book.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMr. Sandy's Insanitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I lost my mind,
    Somewhere in South Dakota,
    I think.
    Mayhap a small town of no more than fifty,
    Or a maybe an open field with no less than one.
    But why I departed mindless,
    I will never know.
    My thoughts are absent at times,
    Vague at others.
    They mimic my steps.
    One by one as I walk the world,
    I count but lose count around every corner.
    I think I may know were I am,
    But how can I tell.
    I cannot for I don't know the name of the sign.
    I don't even know if I still even care.
    I think the birds laugh at me,
    When I turn my back I can hear their chuckles,
    But when I turn to look I find nothing.
    As absent as a clear thought.
    So I just continue onward,
    Door to door,
    Behind each white face I find nothing.
    As empty as my mind must by.
    But I still look,
    And for what I know not.
    Yet I turn each knob with the same useless hope each time.
    At the day's end I find no rest,
    No matter were I lay my frail body
    The monkeys can't stop jumping.
    Up and upper they go,
    Each leap higher than the last.
    Didn't their mother warn them of such conduct?
    When will they bust their heads?
    So far I haven't been so lucky.
    Pepper my only friend chases them away in his Black tuxedo,
    But they only return to disrupt my slumber,
    And the hunt continues again.
    Since Pepper walks so slowly he can never hold them off for long.
    "Only if we were in water" he always tells me.
    "Only if we were in water."
    I always wished Pepper could read,
    I need to know who is on the card.
    One name is all I truly seek.
    I think.
    The face is someone,
    But who?
    Sometimes I care, sometimes I don't,
    Yet it might be the only thought
    that doesn't leave me in haste,
    I think.
    I know the man is not Pepper
    because my friend told me,
    And for some reason I think I know him.
    I think because there is an uncanny familiarity.
    "Don't worry 'bout it", comforts my friend.
    But I can't help it.
    I worry of things I know not of.
    I think it might be my only vice.
    I think.
    If I possessed courage I could ask for help.
    But I have no nerve.
    As absent as a clear thought.
    Except for the day I laid in the park.
    A women sitting lonesome on a bench.
    Pepper was swatting at the flies that only he and I seemed to see.
    I left our shade to ask.
    She seemed confused,
    Possibly as much as I was at the question.
    Not that she couldn't read the words,
    But because I couldn't.
    "Joseph Sandy."
    It came back to me as quick as it must have left.
    Delight sweep my madness away.
    I now know why I went off the deep end as some say.
    I know.
    I turned to tell my friend the good news,
    But he was nowhere to be seen.
    This brought sadness to my sane heart.
    I truly wish that I hadn't,
    But on that day in Central Park
    I found my mind.





    Submitted on 2005-04-25 17:57:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is decent. i think there are possibilities as far as a book goes. i can see the colorful detailed illustrations..i think children at least elementary school age would be too confused. there is good depth to the insanity, theres room for more. explore more slowly, with bigger eyes the crazy within. this has the slightest suess feel to it. good enough
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by shockking | [ Reply to This ]
      ok, if you wanted bashing then here you go. i think this has a good storyline to it and it's a good start. personally, i find poems with stanzas a lot easier to get through (and i always write in rhymes), but if this is the way you write best, go for it. it would be really cool if you could write another portraying something in your own life, people find things a lot easier to understand when you aren't cryptic. good things: it was really good for this style, and you had a lot of good words that made it seem deeper. keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by sunnyrain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    56140

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry