Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "SO EMPTY"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 236
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1561



    Description:
       I kind of am strugling a bit with getting thoughts to come out of my head in a way that at least I can understand. It's a form of block(I will not say it) but I suppose this is ok. Everytime I read it- it means a little more to me.
    lamemansterms


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"SO EMPTY"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can't label this story anymore.
    There's no use to use the over-used words
    I'd choose-
    to describe something somewhere before.
    I simply can no longer get up
    to lay down
    on the ground
    and look up
    the definitions of everything
    I never found
    so then gave up.
    White puffy clouds
    surround the pitch blue skies
    that drowns the echoes
    of true meanings in our lives.
    Who am I?
    and Why am I
    trying to make sense of this confusion?
    This too is only an illusion,
    brought on by my delusion.
    Made by him or her
    or whatever.
    To keep the cycle going;
    The cycle of us never knowing.
    Our future now isn't.
    Our sorrows never in the past.
    To laugh tomorrow's just a hope;
    hope that never seems to last.
    I will say this;
    this is not a depression here.
    This is more about what I fear.
    Like why is what I desire defined as sin?
    And the things I hate;
    is what actually keeps me goin.
    At least once in my life I hope to love
    what I love.
    Not love to love what I hate.
    I't will make or break me;
    that'll be the day.
    love lust hate disease
    depression obsession
    confusion and greed
    ;
    this is what keeps us goin;
    as a world this is what we need.
    All I see is so empty....

    lam3man$t3rm$




    Submitted on 2005-04-25 17:58:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Now this is a poem! I think this is the best thing I have read from you. The beginning was a little shaky but then it was like your mind caught fire and the emotions came running out onto these pages. Everything you said is so true, I often feel the same way, but you're thoughts of Why am I here and such are something you will never find the answer to in the places you seem to keep looking. Great write I am adding this to my favs, seriously not like the "Books on my shelf one" lol.
    Take Care,
    -Tom
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Mike! This is in no way a form of block. As long as you like and/or understand what you wrote, that's all that matters. I don't think that I've ever seen someone wright about the state of our society like this. You hit the problem on the nail, and I love how you never suggested a resolution. Totatlly showing that people may hate what they see, but they go with it anyway. I am still blown away by this. I've seen you wright the sentimental serious things before, but I don't think that you've written one quite this honest before. Dude, I love it!
    ~Jess
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      All that I see is empty...
    I think that might sound...better.
    I like the premise of this, i like the combination of feelings at the end that is basically the title.
    I just think this needs some fine tuning, thats all. don't worry about being...blocked, it happens, just go surfing or see a punk show or just do whatever else you enjoy until your soul is overflowing with something that has to spill onto paper.
    anyway, i like this...feels like...real life.
    CC
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      Hardly life affirming stuff but then that's your world for you -eh. I like how you string together what initially appears to be clichéd and well worn words and phrases of despair to actually bring out a new meaning - even if it is just a new meaning or way to express the shade of confusion. Maybe a better title would have brought me in quicker. (Don't you love it when strangers give a technical analysis of our writings of mental anguish ...). Also sometimes when we are on the mental platform we can get off it to a higher altitude when we simply observe the physical nature of the world around us (This works well if you're not surrounded by concrete and traffic jams lol), and then incorportae that into our work. You started with the sky but then you lost it. Maybe you could have brought it back again at the end. Sometimes just to jump into our mental dialouge is a bit fatiguing, both for ourselves and for others, but by all means keep writing. I appreciate your perspectives :)
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      I'd like to say first, you might want to spell-check. "Delusion", "Depression", "Obsession"... and there were more misspellings too...
    I liked this line "no use to use the over-used words". I thought it was witty, in the pun way. Overall I liked your poem and the point it brought up: "Why should we hate what we love?". I think it's probably just the remnants of Puritanism in America... "anything pleasurable is BAD!"
    But also something to think about is the dangers of excess. If these socially reprehensible things you love- like obsession, for instance- get in the way of your goals, then maybe you should, well, not hate them, but exercise caution. Am I blabbering?
    And on your list, I didn't see where like "disease" and "depression" came in. But maybe I missed something...?
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]
      I prefer to believe that what keeps us going is ourselves. We are human therefore we will live and die as we did. I like the way you think though and this peice is so thought provoking.

    I like the poem but I personally hate the last line because not all of are so empty. Some are good people, but I'm ashamed to announce that the number of honerable people in this world is wearing thin.

    I suppose we can't live in regret of not knowing so all we can do is live, NOT KNOWING.
    These are just my personal views, I would be glad to hear some of your own. Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    56141

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry