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Ode to a Friend

Author: sunnyrain
ASL Info:    16.f.wa.
Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 21 /35 /6
Words: 148
Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship
Total Views: 853
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 973


To the best friend a person could have.. someone who teaches you the same amount they learn from you. You grow so much better when you're with someone you care about. Jen Stedge, this one's for you!

~in context with Friends Forever by Toxic Rose~

Ode to a Friend

I'm so tired
of coloring in the lines.
All we really need
is our chance to shine.
You don't have to lead
if you can come from behind.
You're there when I need you-
good thing friendship is blind.

We may not always know the whole story
But I know we'll always have our glory
We've got to stop taking all of the blame
Let's go and give the world the excess shame.

Friends forever? You never know.
Can't ever know how life will go...
Even through our differences we are true
I'm sure that I'll always remember you.

How can anyone live without this?
What if this was a chance we'd missed?
You know how to make life worthwhile
Always, you do it with a smile.

A year of growth
A year of hope
A year of need
Quite a year, indeed.

Submitted on 2005-04-25 19:00:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  why don't i get a poem?! lol! j/k! this is a really cool poem. yeah, i think you could've went a little deeper in the poem, but it's still better than i could write! lol! hey, you gotta check out my new poem. bye!
| Posted on 2005-10-14 00:00:00 | by Kat Feline | [ Reply to This ]
  I would suggest removing the punctuation at the end of the lines here, the periods and commas -- for some reason that really annoys me, I think it distracts from the words in the poem. It is just kind of a pet peeve of mine, though. Also, I would suggest changing the bit about

All we really need
is our one chance to shine.

It's kind of cliché there. But I really like the lines above it about coloring in the lines -- it reminds me of preschool, little kids concentrating over their coloring books, frowning, all serious. Sometimes friendships for life are formed over coloring books.

I am glad you have such a great friendship with the subject of this poem. It is actually the friendship, and the fact that you chose to write about it, that is really more poignant than the poem itself. It is a good effort you have here, and the emotion rings true.
| Posted on 2005-05-07 00:00:00 | by blackpearl | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem is pretty cool. It has a strong foundation- like I can follow it- but there are some problems. First of all, I think that the first line is really important in a poem (just me, maybe) and yours starts off on a negative, protesting note: "I'm so tired/ of coloring in the lines". Then the rest is suddenly thankful and all? Also, that's a quite overused cliché. The good thing about clichés is that it gets your point across expediently, the bad thing is that it doesn't really send sparks...
The lines "You don't have to lead/ if you can come from behind"... I think there may be too many syllables. It was kind of like a road bump in the poem. It messed up the flow. Also, I had no clue what this was about: "We may not always know the whole story/ But I know we'll always have our glory". ? It's really vague.
and "Even through our differences we are true" didn't really seem to work either.
But don't worry! It seems like I'm bashing your poem, but overall it was good. I was just pointing out some things you may want to change.
| Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]

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