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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Gardendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: zyllion
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 171/117/20
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Prose/Nature
    Total Views: 283
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 869



    Description:
       A challenge to write a description of sorts, so I chose an imagery garden. Feel free to try the challenge for yourself.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Gardendots
    -------------------------------------------


    The sunlight filters gently through the clouds to shine upon the garden. The garden itself is split into two sections: one for me, and one for mother.

    On my side, the sunlight carresses the petals of my flowers. In the furthermost corner, hyacinths bloom, and next to them, the scent of lavender drifts through the air. In front of them, the rosebuds threaten to spill out of the raised bed. Peeking up from the patch of pink, daisies appear to be green and white weeds, but try to convince any onlookers that they belong.

    My mothers side is all in straight, orderly lines. Green lines of rosemary, more lavender, and some mint all scent the air.

    I sit inside, staring at the garden witha blank look on my face, wishing that I could lie next to the rose-bed, absorbing the soothing scents of our garden and its unity within.




    Submitted on 2005-04-26 00:03:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you did a great job on your challenge! This was wrote with care and I think you could just about do anything. Well thanks for sharing your talent.
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey wat up sorry I haven't answered back i've been kinda busy...so this is the poem you've chose hmmmmm... nice structure...good wordplay...and pretty decent subject I like it , it's a good poem so who do think won this one (me lol). So all in all this is a very good write good job. I'll hit you back later aight. 1 love
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by C. Flava | [ Reply to This ]
      hey zylle...
    You indeed enjoy venturing out with different styles of poetry, hm? Love that! This was just dripping with imagery. I love gardens, especially those which can very subtly appear to be organized it a strange messy kind of way, dunno if you can picture that, hehe, but that's what i saw in this piece. Conflict between mother and daughter? I didn't really see it that way, especially after I finished reading the "conclusion" of your little story. It shows the unity of it all, it shows how opposites can flow so beautifullly together. Different gardens, yet beautifully intertwining and harmonious. Opposites CAN coexist.

    Must say again I loved this. You have the power of imagery at hand and I do hope you make more attempts at this!

    Nice work and keep up!

    drika
    | Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm. Planning to tell your mother something u r not sure she will accept?
    The way I see it the garden is your outlook on life, and ur outlook on your mother.
    Somehow I feel you think she is old and expectable, while you are young colorful and buzzing with ideas.
    A bit of the eternal mother - daughter conflict maybe?
    In the last paragraph I see you r aspiring to try new things maybe, to open up to a new horizon.
    I like the imagery it flows quite easily taking us to a silent scented garden.
    I mostly like the way it starts clouds uncovering the sun, as if the curtains open up and light shines on main characters in a play.
    Well written, I like the concise phrases which make the piece clean cut and easy to read and understand.
    Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok this is my first critique of prose writing. Problem with prose excerpts is you know there's someth coming before and after usually. But i like this. This is what i get from it: thta the mother is a little square, and not very interesting, while the child is dynamic and adventuresome and is about to get herself into some adventure that other's might look askance upon. Your last paragraph leaves the reader expectant, which is good. I hoped these comments served a purpose, at least to let you know what your essay elicits from the reader. Nice work! :) Peace
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by razmohin2 | [ Reply to This ]



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