I have so many questions:
Lord what should I do?
How can I change my life to please you?
How can I stop drinking?
How can I stop lieing?
How can I stop my soul mans crying?
Lord where is my wife?
Why are things not right?
How is my future? Gloomy or bright?
Will you show me your power?
Or must I find it myself?
How is my body?
Is it in good health?
Enough with my questions;
I'll ask another time.
Wait! My son;
My time is right now.
Your questions are good;
now here's my response.
What should you do..
Start going to church.
You want to please me..
Obey my commands.
You want to stop drinking..
Then stay with my plans.
Lieing and crying I can stop that too.
then my power shall be shown to you.
So the answers are clear..
to your questions my son.
Your wife, your future
all that can be done.
Stick with your Lord,
and just wait you'll see.
That all of your desires
shall be done for thee.
| Love the message and the emotion behind your poem. It's strong and yet the message goes beyond the religion you and I hold. Love the rhythm behind the poem, and it makes things clear for me per say... that means you moved me, which is good. Nice write.|
Thanks for the feedback on my poem.
|| Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Latin King | [ Reply to This ] || Okay...Now,|
First let me start with...sometimes there will be a person that will come along and have negativity...BUT...when you post you have to expect that.
Now X...calm down brotha. You are always gettin so hyped up over BS. You're gonna have a stroke by the time your 30! CALM DOWN.
Just...take a deep breath...and slowly and gently reach your hand over to your shoulder...and brush it off.
You know me...if there is drama...I am always there. But, it is gettin old.
About this poem...I think it was fine. You should have broken the stanza's of your speech and the Lord's. I think that it would have been easier to follow along with it. When you switched hands it lost me for a second. I got back on track but...if you break it up it will be a little more expected.
Great write other then what I pointed out.
And, be a better person and just overlook those that want to hate. He's athiest...he is entitled to his own opinion...even though we don't like it...because I myself TOTALLY disagree. Just keep walking the same stride.
|| Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ] || Excellent meaning behind this piece...though i have to be honest, you seem to have this whole hit or miss thing going on with your structure...but I'm sure that will improve over time.|
I had one question "How can I stop my soul mans crying?" I dont understand that line perhaps when you have a chance you can explain to me...
|| Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ] || How can I describe this with one word?|
Hm... Stupid, I guess. Although I'm an atheist it still strikes me as blasphemy, speaking in the name of the Lord. I thought only prophets can do that... Aside that, from a technical viewpoint your poem also sucks. Keep trying I guess...
|| Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ] |