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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pinkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secret moon
    Elite Ratio:    6.54 - 687/427/57
    Words: 12
    Class/Type: Haiku/
    Total Views: 842
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 97



    Description:
       Just an idea. Let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPinkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    First fingers of dawn
    Stretch bright'ning tendrils of pink
    Across my bedspread




    Submitted on 2005-04-27 11:56:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey girl, I am SO sorry I havent been around lately. Life has been hectic, and will continue to be, but all should calm down by summer:O) Anyway, enough of my excuses.

    I have commented only once aon a haiku before, and it was because it caught my eye and was beautiful in every way. And this my friend, is VERY similiar to the only other haiku I've ever commented on. This is beautiful, and expresses something so simple in such a, excuse the lame term, naturey way. And it is for this reason that I like the title. if you were trying to take something common and exaplin it in pure beauty. However, if you just titled it this after the haiku itself, then it seems less meaningful.

    Wait wait wait, this is coming out wrong. I feel like I'm sounding horribly mean about it. Ok. I liked your haiku very much, but I think the title doesnt describe it well enough. The only way I think the title would describe it beautifully is if yuowere taking some common phrase, "pink" and writing a beautiful story behind it. Get what I mean? I hope so.

    Sorry I think I've jsut wasted a couple minuts of your life on this comment:O/
    Overall excellent job Secret!

    -Kayla

    P.S. HEY! LOSY season finale in two weeks! I'm excited and sad at the same time:O) Ahhh I cant wait, ahve you seen the most recent episodes? Give me a buzz sometime so we can chat about it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
            This is a nice little piece. It has meaning, even though it's abstract (all haikus are, really). I like it. However, why pink? Not that I can't see it, but most people tend to associate sunlight and dawn with gold and yellow.

    ~ Manu.
    | Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by Seiraryu | [ Reply to This ]
      You do not see many haikus on this site nowadays. It is nice to see someone write one. I understand that you must follow the 5-7-5 format for haikus, but you probably should find another word other than "pinkness". Look into a thesaurus and see what you can find. Other than that, this was a solid, descriptive piece. Nice work
    | Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]
      This is delicate. However, I want to say " bright tendrils of pink" instead of "pinkness"...could just be me. Happy Day...Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      good description in this piece. i like short pieces that convey details in a short amount of time. good write. take care.
    | Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there, how come you haven't posted more haikus?

    This is a very good haiku, the three lines tie together but tell three different stories:

    The first line sets the picture of time, dawn, and the fingers reference invokes a "birth" of the day, as the fingers creep from under the covers...

    the second delivers the colour description, so it becomes a pink dawn...

    and the third sets the whole scene up as the tendrils (great word) stretch across the bedspread, opening the mind to a wide picture of the pink dawn streaming through the bedroom window.

    As haikus go, five stars *****

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i think this was great for a haiku. i also havent really tried that much to write a haiku and im not very good at it. but i think im going to start trying those. this kind of reminded me of a nice spring day for some reason and i liked it.:-)

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]


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