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    dots Submission Name: when Contemplating Suicidedots

    Author: brokensmile
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 241/326/148
    Words: 322
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 1342
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2109


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    dotswhen Contemplating Suicidedots

    the sun rises
    immediately stinging your eyes
    sore already
    from the tears not long since cried
    and you knew then
    that the day would be long
    you knew then
    that after everything was over
    you'd still be wrong

    drenched with the rain
    that started when you arrived
    drenched with the feeling
    that her hatred would never dry
    and no it dosent burn me
    and no i dont miss those days
    sorry never works
    and changing never pays

    and can you feel it
    the tension that comes with
    sole existence
    can you hear it
    if you can
    take a minute to scream
    lead those actions to resistance
    behind a closed door
    blocked by an emmotional screen
    close off the worry
    close off the thought
    and make your heart dream
    to make your pain stop

    dont cut through your blood
    write in it
    meaningly and slow
    untill your body recovers
    untill your mind seems to know
    that there is hope
    that the fears will go away
    that the pressure will stop
    that soon
    you too will be on your way

    so step back from the poison
    leave if on the counter
    hidden for nobody to find
    hang on to that ledge
    for your will has yet to be signed
    and if no one is willing
    make your own pledge
    to never leave yourself behind

    it was not a fault of yours
    you took the bullet
    but it was fired by another hand
    you didnt commit a crime
    for you didn't choose at what place
    or where your own feet would stand

    and maybe you should have screamed louder
    maybe you were thoughtless
    a little selfish
    but see everyones a little divided
    everyone steps beyond the line
    i find i ask myself
    should i stay?
    or do i leave it all behind?

    Submitted on 2005-04-27 17:34:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this piece. The only thing I noticed was in these lines:
    so step back from the poison
    leave if on the counter
    The 'if' I think is supposed to be 'it'.
    Other than that it is good. I loved how you characterized the feeling so well. I know that I can relate to that because this past year I have been dealing with depression and I have considered suicide, but I decided against it.
    Good work!

    | Posted on 2005-06-01 00:00:00 | by Delirium | [ Reply to This ]
      very comferting i thought it would be something different by the tittle since ive recently been thinking of suicide but it got me turned around and hopefully life will soon pick back up for me
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Gotta say I really liked this, it is of course something I can relate to, and so I think I understood it really well. It was a good write, only thing that i found a bit unsettling was that your stanzas are all different lengths. But it still flowed well and you've done a good job.
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      really good poem, very strong emotional grip. i loved it. it really conveyed the "suicide question", its hard to decide when you feel like that.but i could really relate to it.good job!
    | Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by whatever14 | [ Reply to This ]

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