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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Upon A Sleepy Cloud I Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dmm
    ASL Info:    50/M/Minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 741/888/102
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 716
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 926



    Description:
       You either do or don't. Contemplate your death that is, I do.


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    dotsUpon A Sleepy Cloud I Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Upon a sleepy cloud I dream
    Whilst worldly cares pass by
    Pondering the shape of things
    Should suddenly I die

    What words would soft be spoken
    Of my times 'tween birth and death
    That I walked among the living
    'Til I gasped my final breath?

    What eyes would gaze so solem
    As my earthly shell slipped down
    Beneath the clay and gravel
    To it's home in hallowed ground?

    Will I hear the tender sobbing
    Of those I held most dear
    Or have to face my selfish acts?
    The latter's what I fear

    Was I lacking understanding
    At those times when others called
    Absorbed in my own troubles
    Shall I see and be appalled?

    Can I make amends before my time
    Or is fate already cast?
    I shake in realization
    That atonement may have past




    Submitted on 2005-04-28 12:09:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      contemplating death is a tricky business indeed. your ending is a bit dark in thinking that perhaps you have cast your lot already and there is no room for salvation? i think we constantly have the opportunity to atone as long as we have a pure heart. you do, i can tell by your words. thank for your sharing your thoughts.
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Like everyone else, I contemplate death too.
    A fear we all have and wondering what happens afterward. I think we actually make amends sometimes without realizing it. When you stop to help someone in need, when you apologize for doing something really stupid, stuff like that. I dont think you need to recite a hundred mea culpas while beating your breast to make amends. It comes through in other ways during our entire lives, so dont worry Dan, we're gonna be okay.
    Great write as always
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Good work, Dan, and very poignantly pointing at our "all too late" regrets. Will we ever learn?
    Nice rhyming, and it flowed fairly well, very easy to read, so well done, nothing to pick on here.
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      very good piece you got there! just brush up on the spelling mistakes and grammer and it's a winner. I'm sure you aint the only one who wonders about death, deep topic to write about. Good work, you have some excellent lines in there!
    leigh x
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by sunkissed_raven | [ Reply to This ]
      Compelling and deep thoughts in this well written poem. I think we all, at one time or other, contemplate death. In general, I think it helps to think on these things at times, just to view life in it's proper perspective.. and to keep in mind what's important.
    There are things we look on in the past that we should have done, or done differently, and wonder who will mourn us when we're gone.. etc. You have brought all that out here in a poignant way. I think as long as we have breath we can make amends.. or let those we love know just how much. Time and breath; life's treasures.
    A good, thought provoking write.
    Take Care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...this is a powerful observation that we must all face. it does seem scary that we havent done all we could have in our lives. we do forget that this is temporary, but when we are gone the things we stood for last as long as memory...nice...
    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      I too contemplate my own death...morbid yes but it's also insightfull. I want to live so that the preacher won't have to lie (that is not my line it's a country lyric lol)

    excellent write and of course instant fav
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


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