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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stripping on a Tuesday Eveningdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Athalia
    Elite Ratio:    4.65 - 156/124/21
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 899
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 934



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStripping on a Tuesday Eveningdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The layers come off
    with deceptive ease
    succumbing to the persuasion
    of my pleading tease

    “Almost halfway there,”
    I pant,
    glancing longingly at
    the graceful slant
    of a hard body in repose

    The jewelry, I find with surprise
    is the hardest to remove
    A little more persuasion, perhaps
    and all will be revealed to my eyes

    A caress of the newly bare slickness
    garners a smile
    and a sigh
    Soon we’ll be together—
    just a little while

    I stroke your amazing length
    And whisper a promise:
    “I’ll bathe in your offerings,
    oh so gladly
    You’ll just have to wait
    until I can remove this paint

    Then you’ll see my devotion—
    my clawfoot bathtub,
    freshly restored
    We’ll spend hours together
    you’ll be much adored.”




    Submitted on 2005-04-28 15:51:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      it's sweet...i would fall for it any day. i didn't know that taking a bath could be so much fun. the only thing i didn't get was how in each stanza you changed the rhyme scheme...it kinda made it hard to read just once. i think that might have been your intentions though is to make the person read it over and over again. pretty sneaky if you did
    | Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by bluecrane | [ Reply to This ]
      lol, that's freakin awesome, and i can't believe you got me with it. yeah, you got me. i thought i was the king (well, maybe just the jester, but you know what i mean) of false-dirty poetry, but you my dear...i bow to you! that made my day...and i've never wanted to be a bathtub so much in my life ;)
    | Posted on 2005-05-18 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a strip-tease of a different color. A very clever use of deception and imagination. I thoroughly enjoyed your word dance.
    | Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      Nicely deceptive. You pulled this off very well. I have to add this to my favorites. I don't see anything wrong with it at all. The flow and rhythm are great. No complaints from me.

    Unicorn
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      I just knew there was gonna be a punchline, but I couldn't guess! Very nicely done, it certainly wouldn't lose any readers half way!
    Entertaining, and nicely written, too.
    Well done
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I just knew there was gonna be a punchline, but I couldn't guess! Very nicely done, it certainly wouldn't lose any readers half way!
    Entertaining, and nicely written, too.
    Well done
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very clever :)...Like everyone else has said deceiving but each line was worth it :)...Can't really offer and criticism, the flow was nice...not redundant...good job!

    keEp WritinG

    Stw
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      Boy talk about getting all wet with a read *wink wink*
    I loved the way this played out it...This piece will seperate us pervs from the deep thinkers.

    I too have a claw foot bath and after I read this the second time..you have described it perfectly!

    *raises foot covered in suds, lays back in the warm depth of the bubbles and water and says* "Here's to many happy hours in your tub!
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Hee hee! Nice twist at the end. Still think I'm gonna need a cold chower though.. ;-)

    My only confusion was at the jewelry stanza (which might be because I've never done this), likely me more than your writing. :-)
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is too cute...You really had me going there, all the way to the ending. A clever and "deceiving" write, to say the least. But I forgive you...LOL.
    You should have seen me as I read down each line; eyebrow raised, smile 'cross my face, saying hmm, hmm, ... and then... I get to the end and ...giggle. I love a write that has a twist...such as this one. Great job!. I loved it.
    Take Care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


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