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Death of a Rose

Author: eternaldarkness
ASL Info:    16/F
Elite Ratio:    4.07 - 77 /98 /32
Words: 72
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1983
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 547


i just want to know what people think...I revised it a bit..and i just wanted to say that for this piece you have to not only think of a rose like a flower, but a metaphoricly a rose as in the "perfect person" thats the main point...tally ho....

Death of a Rose

Petals fall
Straight on the floor
Knowing right away
That there was no more.
Death of a rose.

Tear-stained face
Drifting away
Out of that place.
Death of a rose.

Barely standing
Blood dripping down
Slowly falling
But quickly hitting the ground.
Death of a rose.

Slipping in between worlds
Not knowing where to stop
Unable to choose
No longer at the top.
Death of a rose.

Submitted on 2005-04-28 18:44:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This could be taken in a variety of ways...and one of them being, as you said in your comment "a death and end of this ideal person". It sounds like this could be a celebrity story about like a girl who has everything and all to be desired, and she throws it away. Its as if a lover of this person wrote this poem in regret and sorrow because this perfect person is in a state of despair.
this could also be about someone who is head over heels for this rose...and as the person watches the rose and the death of it soon his life seems to be falling with it too, through all of its whirls.
of course...this interpretation of mine may be astoundingly off, but thats the beauty of poetry, you never know what the reader may find in it.
I read it over a couple of times, and there isnt much in grammar or style that I can ask you to change, but to say that I read it over a couple times in clear conscience thought...and I think that if you did anything to could make it a bit less vague...because although I am sure that it isnt meant to be in any way the untrained still learning mind (thats me), it could be seen as vague.
Loved your work, and dont hold this comment against me because I am sure that you think my ideas about your poem were bizarre and more than likely majorly off. adieu,
J.C. Prescott

P.s. speaking of roses some time or other, I am going to post a poem on this site maybe, if time allows, about a paper rose...because paper roses are fun to write about...check it out...if I ever post it
| Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, once again that was really really interesting! And like I said before that I am going to read more of your poems and watch out for your future posts and here I am fulfilling my promise! And not only because I promised and not only because you are a friend of mine BUT also because your writings are worth being read!

And now about the poem itself; I think that this is a beautiful poem indeed, I loved it. The subject of the poem was simple but deep at the same time and the way it was presented was really good too, also the way it was written was very good and the words chosen totally suits the atmosphere of the poem and how it was written.

I also must talk about the tittle and the description (as usual), and talking about the tittle I must say it was great and very well chosen "Death of a Rose", the tittle captured my attention -even before noticing your name- and I can't find a better tittle for that poem rather than that! And about the description I think you gave the reader a good introduction to what he / she is going to read and also pointed out the deep thought behind the poem!

The rhyme and the flow was simple and smooth and the same time and didn't seem forced at all and that is a very important thing in poetry.

I also must talk about the images created and the metaphores used all over the poem which also was great and well described and well presented.

I really liked the third stanza that says;

"Barely standing
Blood dripping down
Slowly falling
But quickly hitting the ground.
Death of a rose."

Those were very beautiful, powerful and emotional words indeed.

And also the last stanza (the finale) which was very good too saying;

"Slipping in between worlds
Not knowing where to stop
Unable to choose
No longer at the top.
Death of a rose."

I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and as usual I will end my comment by wishing you the best of luck and to tell you to keep it up.

P.S I didn't read it before, I don't know how the other version looks like! So I only judged based on this one!

I don't think that I have anything more to say about this poem except saying that after reading this poem I think I found my new favorite!
| Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]

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