[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Three Years and Two Nightsdots

    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 872
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 564


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThree Years and Two Nightsdots

    How the Littliest things can
    Haunt one's dreams.

    Festering in the back
    Of one's mind.

    Just one small sin
    Drenched in black
    That lingers and scratches
    Screeches and stabs
    At one's life.

    From time to time
    One can still see her eyes.
    When the night peaks
    In the ridance of companion.

    What he wants most
    IS for his mistake
    to be erased
    So he sits out the night

    Submitted on 2005-04-29 13:44:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Good work and emotion I liked the way you but the feelings into a vision by the way you used your words. I didnt tho like how it ened I think it needed a little more to it. But all in all it was a good read ~~Donna~~
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
      "So he sits out the night"

    very dramatic. i admire the powerful subtlety of this line... it was more (i'm not sure if it's the right word but...) mature (or possibly precocious) than the rest of the lines it supported.

    that being said...

    i noticed a gradual shift in the disposition of your character from the first stanza to the last. the growth was somewhat emotionally and mentally. from the usage of "littliest" (assuming that is not a typo) to the last fundamental line.

    maybe that's just me.

    personally, i would have seperated the last line from the fifth stanza to give it a little jolt... but that's just a suggestion of course.

    anyway... nice piece.

    keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
    How the Littliest things can
    Haunt one's dreams.

    Festering in the back
    Of one's mind.

    That is my favorite part, it gives you time to stop and absorb what you read in the lines before. I tend to prefer poems that are written this way entirely, every stanza beginning with one word. You've done this in your own unique way, and that makes it even better.

    Keep up the great work, I look forward to seeing more of your work.

    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem a lot... especailly the very first stanza... it sounds really nice and has great flow... oh wait ti guess this is a bad comment to these guys... umm... IT WAS FANTASIC i really loved it and i really really think that you should keep writing becaus eyour work is great THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Incubus written by monad
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    This written by Chelebel
    Giving written by jjd
    Push written by JanePlane
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]