Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Three Years and Two Nightsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 837
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 564



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThree Years and Two Nightsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Strange,
    How the Littliest things can
    Haunt one's dreams.

    Guilt,
    Festering in the back
    Of one's mind.

    Just one small sin
    Drenched in black
    That lingers and scratches
    Screeches and stabs
    At one's life.

    From time to time
    One can still see her eyes.
    When the night peaks
    In the ridance of companion.

    What he wants most
    IS for his mistake
    to be erased
    Impossible.
    So he sits out the night




    Submitted on 2005-04-29 13:44:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good work and emotion I liked the way you but the feelings into a vision by the way you used your words. I didnt tho like how it ened I think it needed a little more to it. But all in all it was a good read ~~Donna~~
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
      "So he sits out the night"

    very dramatic. i admire the powerful subtlety of this line... it was more (i'm not sure if it's the right word but...) mature (or possibly precocious) than the rest of the lines it supported.

    that being said...

    i noticed a gradual shift in the disposition of your character from the first stanza to the last. the growth was somewhat emotionally and mentally. from the usage of "littliest" (assuming that is not a typo) to the last fundamental line.

    maybe that's just me.

    personally, i would have seperated the last line from the fifth stanza to give it a little jolt... but that's just a suggestion of course.

    anyway... nice piece.

    keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Strange,
    How the Littliest things can
    Haunt one's dreams.

    Guilt,
    Festering in the back
    Of one's mind.

    That is my favorite part, it gives you time to stop and absorb what you read in the lines before. I tend to prefer poems that are written this way entirely, every stanza beginning with one word. You've done this in your own unique way, and that makes it even better.

    Keep up the great work, I look forward to seeing more of your work.

    Unicorn.
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem a lot... especailly the very first stanza... it sounds really nice and has great flow... oh wait ti guess this is a bad comment to these guys... umm... IT WAS FANTASIC i really loved it and i really really think that you should keep writing becaus eyour work is great THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    56731

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry