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    dots Submission Name: Three Years and Two Nightsdots

    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 887
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 564


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThree Years and Two Nightsdots

    How the Littliest things can
    Haunt one's dreams.

    Festering in the back
    Of one's mind.

    Just one small sin
    Drenched in black
    That lingers and scratches
    Screeches and stabs
    At one's life.

    From time to time
    One can still see her eyes.
    When the night peaks
    In the ridance of companion.

    What he wants most
    IS for his mistake
    to be erased
    So he sits out the night

    Submitted on 2005-04-29 13:44:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Good work and emotion I liked the way you but the feelings into a vision by the way you used your words. I didnt tho like how it ened I think it needed a little more to it. But all in all it was a good read ~~Donna~~
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
      "So he sits out the night"

    very dramatic. i admire the powerful subtlety of this line... it was more (i'm not sure if it's the right word but...) mature (or possibly precocious) than the rest of the lines it supported.

    that being said...

    i noticed a gradual shift in the disposition of your character from the first stanza to the last. the growth was somewhat emotionally and mentally. from the usage of "littliest" (assuming that is not a typo) to the last fundamental line.

    maybe that's just me.

    personally, i would have seperated the last line from the fifth stanza to give it a little jolt... but that's just a suggestion of course.

    anyway... nice piece.

    keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
    How the Littliest things can
    Haunt one's dreams.

    Festering in the back
    Of one's mind.

    That is my favorite part, it gives you time to stop and absorb what you read in the lines before. I tend to prefer poems that are written this way entirely, every stanza beginning with one word. You've done this in your own unique way, and that makes it even better.

    Keep up the great work, I look forward to seeing more of your work.

    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by Unicorn Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem a lot... especailly the very first stanza... it sounds really nice and has great flow... oh wait ti guess this is a bad comment to these guys... umm... IT WAS FANTASIC i really loved it and i really really think that you should keep writing becaus eyour work is great THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]

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