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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Crucifixiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xeternalshadowx
    ASL Info:    17/m/pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 121/137/55
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1069
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 752



    Description:
       Nightmare 1-1


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Crucifixiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shades of black blanketing the sun,
    The ashes of malevolence are set free.
    Brooding forms flash their eyes of rouge,
    Venting in the night and crying out their pain.

    Rising against the rebirth.
    In the end, I disappear.
    The church bells ring in the night sky,
    Reaching high to the clouds above.

    Then the gothic angel screams,
    Bleeding from the holes in his eyes
    With black burned wings.

    A trail of fire scorches the ascending marble.

    I feel the wage of sin as I wake,
    Nailed to the cross,
    Both hands and feet.

    Feeling the embers make way up the crucifix,
    I notice my arms,
    Both black and dead...




    Submitted on 2005-04-29 14:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this, it makes me think. I was wondering if in a sense, this is a dream of the Apocolypse? After reading through this a few times your first few lines:

    Shades of black blanketing the sun,
    The ashes of malevolence are set free.
    Brooding forms flash their eyes of rouge,
    Venting in the night and crying out their pain.

    Reminded me of the true takeover of the Christian devil. This reason being that sunlight, being a happy and therefore a godsend, would be taken out replaced only with the darkness. Also when reading this I have the images of the Christian creatures of darkness coming to life. Although it could also be talking about the demons that you are fighting in yourself.

    In your second verse it almost seems like that whoever is living in this, is fighting the devils (easier to write that Christian creatures of darkness) that are coming to posses the earth, but being unable to win this crucial battle.

    The third verse I believe you are perhaps talking about Lucifer and his fall from heaven.

    Then the gothic angel screams,
    Bleeding from the holes in his eyes
    With black burned wings.
    A trail of fire
    Scorching the stairway from heaven.

    I think that Lucifer could be called a gothic angel. It stands to reason that he would suffer wounds because of what happened between him and god, or because of the actual stepdown from heaven as you describe.

    In the last two verses you have reverted back to the character's (that's what I'm calling it. It works.) point of view. I like how you did this a lot because you seem to have put a small, but important, twist on this whole poem. The fourth verse led me to believe that perhaps the character has lost to the devils or his own demons, but then I thought about the line:

    Feeling the wage of sin as I wake.

    It made me think back on the "gothic angel". I would like to know though, are the "gothic angel" and the unknown character the same?
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how the beginning grabs hold of u. when i first started, i wanted to read the rest. also the descriptives work really good with the mood of the poem. Wat i like the most though was the ending. when i saw that it was a dream, i was kinda disappointed, but then as i read the last couple lines, it had that hopless feel to it. that really had an impact on me. I though this poem was pretty damn good.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very well written peice in my mind. I really liked it. Being a christian girl that I am, it seemed scary, but I have also suffered a lot in my life. So it's not horrible to me. I liked how you expressed this. The same dispair and hopelessnes was in the story of the dream as in the dreamer. If you get that.
    You did bery well with the flow. It seemed almost perfect. I could picture everything in my mind clearly. No troubles with snags on some lines. A lot of peices tent to have that problem. I congradulate you on a very well job done. I'm sorry that if this wan't the comment you are looking for.
    I will keep an eye out for more.

    Broken
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by Broken heart dies | [ Reply to This ]
      ...Wow. Very vivid, very gothic and dark. I luv it The burning cross goes very well with the poem. This piece reminds me of a couple of bands:

    Scorching the stairway from heaven.
    -The song, "Stairway to Heaven"...of course And I like it how you said stairway "from" heaven instead of "to"...something hell-related, no?

    Feeling the wage of sin as I wake.
    -"Wages of Sin"-that Arch Enemy album

    Feeling the embers make way up the crucifix,
    I notice my arms,
    Both black and dead...
    -"Scars of the Crucifix" by Deicide

    Overall, it reminded me somewhat of Cradle of Filth or Dechristianize...I have weird nightmares like that sometimes, only without the crucifixion :P

    The flow is all right, but I'd suggest you reconsider the punctuation you've used.

    The last line has a very dark tone heavy with hopelessness and death, and the discontinuation to this piece brings about a very profound lasting effect. Brilliant write-I'll be watching for more of your poetry.
    Take care,
    -Azrael

    P.S. If it interests you, my most recent work, "Imposed on Disbelief" has that sacrilegious tint to it, and it follows on the same path as yours...if you'd like to check it out
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by Tears of Azrael | [ Reply to This ]


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