Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ice In His Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 740
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1199



    Description:
       Conversation between me and my ex boyfriend.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIce In His Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Let's be friends," she said
    And to that, he agreed
    It seemed a way to keep her from breaking down
    In her time of desperate need
    "Let's hang out," she said
    He mumbled an excuse
    Her temper flared at his dishonesty,
    But she offered up a truce
    "I miss you so, so much," she said
    "And I love you still."
    He just shrugged and the ice in his eyes
    Gave her heart a chill.
    "We could have made it work," she said
    He said he was tired of trying
    She tried to keep his words away
    From the part of her that was crying.
    "Will I get another chance?" she asked
    He said he didn't know
    She longed to be in his arms again
    Where her love could always grow
    "Are you happy now?" she asked
    He replied that yes, he was
    She could see it in his smile
    And the stubborn demeanor that would not budge
    "Am I so easy to let go?" she asked
    Hoping the ice in his heart would crack
    He just shrugged and looked away
    She knew he was never coming back




    Submitted on 2005-04-29 23:44:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is sad sad sad....ice never cracks, just melts little by little, and then you still have chunks in your water
    ya know?

    "He replied that yes, he was
    She could see it in his smile"
    i know what happens when you see that look
    makes you want to cry and stuff
    awww

    "Let's be friends," she said
    And to that, he agreed
    It seemed a way to keep her from breaking down
    In her time of desperate need
    i love this section...it makes me wonder, you know
    but then i think i know, so i dont know
    ah well
    my favorite part
    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-09-10 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.. this struck a cord deep down for me.. ive been there b4 n it sucks cuz u wna hold them so tight but all they wna do is get away.. its well written n i rely like it i hope everything gets better for u <3 ash
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you, I think. Well, yes. It was pure emotion. It was just looking into someone's eyes that you loved so completely and seeing nothing there.But, thank you. Your words mean a lot to me.
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the right word is "beautifully young."

    It's one of those pieces that could have been written by anyone of any age bracket and touches you for a few seconds then let's you go.

    Its narrative form shows how the piece rides on pure unfabricated emotion.

    The last line has been said in many times in many ways but, apparently, is still effective.

    Fairly played.
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    56791

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry