[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: she used to be brightdots

    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 867
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 667

       my friend recently ran away and so i wrote this...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsshe used to be brightdots

    she stares at the ground
    this rain masks her tears
    stained cheeks from eyeliner
    soaks in her clothing of monochrome shades
    of black

    she used to wear bright
    she used to be bright

    she sits in the park
    slowing swaying on the swings
    her feet drag the ground
    she’s done this before

    her name’s on a letter
    i found in a dream
    signed by her best friend
    a promise
    to follow through with tonight

    friends and sisters are worried
    that best friend is lying
    minds racing
    ignored the warning signs

    Submitted on 2005-04-30 01:22:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      holy crap kevorkian...im speechless..lol..this was a totaly awesome piece. I was totaly suprised.. you are a good poet, i never would have guessed..heh..anyways this pieces flowed together nicely. I had this ongoing picture playing through my head as i read this..totally awesome
    | Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by FadedSilence | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this a lot, but the ending seemed a bit strained. The first part was really great, it flowed really well and reminded me of a coule of kids I know.
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem. It is really good in a tragic kind of way. The way it is written makes you want to keep reading. Great Job!

    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... i like this peice its like you draw the reader into what is going on with this girl. like the reader becomes and observer of whats going on. great job keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, very awesome. Deep and moving yet realistic enough that it can be easily related to (not this particular situation is real common.)
    | Posted on 2005-06-15 00:00:00 | by gavinspikenard | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]