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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the day the unicorns dieddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 782
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 545



    Description:
       ...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe day the unicorns dieddots
    -------------------------------------------


    these are the days
    that are cold, drab and grey
    the children donít laugh
    and the puppies donít play
    the cheerful donít sing
    and the lovers will sigh
    the happy donít dance
    this is the day the first unicorn died

    the poets stop feeling
    the artists lose sight
    the soldiers fall
    best friends fight
    fathers leave
    the mothers stop caring
    faces keep frowning
    eyes keep glaring
    the innocent cry
    on the day the last unicorn died




    Submitted on 2005-04-30 15:10:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      PS Your tense change a couple of times throughout the piece:

    this day
    is cold, drab and grey
    the children donít laugh
    and the puppies wonít play
    the cheerful donít sing
    and the lovers sigh
    the happy arent dancing
    this is the day the first unicorn died

    the poets stopped feeling
    the artists have lost sight
    the soldiers are falling
    best friends now fight
    fathers have left
    the mothers stopped caring
    faces keep frowning
    eyes keep glaring
    the innocent cry
    on this day that the last unicorn died
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      i really love the idea you have here and i really like the piece as it is...however i also feel as though you could tie in some of your beautiful imagery and put some power and feeling behind those words and ideas...very nice work... keep writing :)
    | Posted on 2005-05-14 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      that was amazing where did u get the stuff about unicorns from ? cuz its o so different and uniquely great

    R.I.P
    Darkness of the Grim Draco
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]
      wow where did you come up with the insperation for this? its deffently able to take all traces of words from my mind keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2005-04-30 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]


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