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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Do Not Remind Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1355



    Description:
       Deals with a girl who had to go through some stuff she cannot deal with up to now.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDo Not Remind Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do not remind me of the scars on my soul,
    It does not compare to the scars on my skin.
    I feel cursed because of the pieces you stole,
    And now I am forced to live with this sin.

    Do not remind me of the nights I spent crying,
    It does not compare to the days I went praying.
    But it did not matter the times I wished dying,
    You did not understand the words I was saying.

    Do not remind me of the nightmares I have seen,
    It does not compare to the terrors in my sleep.
    I feel as though I have thrown away my dreams,
    And deep down it causes me to silently weep.

    Do not remind me of the courage it took me,
    The force I used against myself to close the door.
    I am trying to do my best to be once more happy,
    But I doubt that this is something I can be sure of.

    Do not remind me of the games you played,
    It does not change my thoughts towards you.
    My trust was the surest thing you had betrayed,
    And I see you through my eyes a different view.

    Do not remind me of the pain I live through each day,
    It does not compare to the pain I am having inside.
    A blade keeps ripping me apart but I still say I am okay,
    Do not remind me the way you took away my pride.




    Submitted on 2005-05-01 09:46:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the repetition of the "do not remind me." Some lines do sound as if you are struggling to find a rhyme, and in case it was a gramatical mistake, the line

    "But I doubt that this is something I can be sure of"

    fails to rhyme with

    "The force I used against myself to close the door"

    Maybe you could say

    "I doubt that this is something of which I can be sure"

    if you want to keep the rhyming pattern. I love how you contrasted things such as:

    "Do not remind me of the nights I spent crying,
    It does not compare to the days I went praying."

    It helps the reader feel more as they read the poem, and imagine what you are going through.

    Actually, I can totally relate to the stanza:

    Do not remind me of the games you played,
    It does not change my thoughts towards you.
    My trust was the surest thing you had betrayed,
    And I see you through my eyes a different view.

    as it describes exactly how I feel in a situation I am currently going through. Although I am hesitant to look through different eyes because I want to believe it might be okay. But I should be talking about your poem, not my life. LOL

    All in all, it's pretty good, just some of the lines are a bit odd how they are arranged due to the fact you wanted them to rhyme. I will definately read more of your work.

    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was a very nice piece, quite frankly. You seemed a little pushed for rhyme and rhythm than content though. Don't let layout chop off your meaning and impact of a potential wonder. It had intention behind it, but it didn't quite get to the apex it could have. I think you should go through and look at your imagery. It creates some fair pictures, but you want to blow your audience away. Captivate us!

    I thought is was very drastic. I like the verbs. It gives oyu something to play in your head, even if a bit 'un-spiced'. I propose a re-write. It would be very much worthwhile, although, this is a decent version within itself.

    Best of luck on future artistic escapades.

    -Imari-
    | Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by Imari | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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