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    dots Submission Name: This "love"dots

    Author: dead,yetalive
    ASL Info:    19,female, mia FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 100/104/28
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 953
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 681

       This poem is dedicated to my boyfriend, Matthew, who I have known for about half my life. But we have only been going out for 2 weeks exactly (well... and a couple of hours). I don't believe in the "impressing stage" of a relationship so I told him about my dark side and he didn't break up with me so we're good. Anyways the reason why the word love is in quotation marks in the title is because we can't get really serious ( 'cause of school and all).

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis "love"dots

    This love seems so fairy tale
    So pure, as if untouched
    So many things so perfect
    Love blossoms so much

    The way that you kissed me
    The way that it felt
    It found something in me
    It found with what I'd dealt

    The nights that we talked
    Almost felt unreal
    The fact that you're my boyfriend
    Seems like such a big deal

    I thank you at this point
    To tell you how I feel
    You opened up my heart
    And you did reveal
    That silent little part of me
    The door between both lives
    You are the only one who knows
    What I am really like

    Submitted on 2005-05-01 14:01:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ahh true love.. I'm gonna actually critique this by your stanzas.. I hope that's okay...

    stanza 1- I loved the "love blossoms so much".. it really does love can be so open and full of beauty.. When were in love we think that everything is going so perfectly.. like a fairy tale just like you said..Great opening stanza...

    Stanza 2- this was good but a little confusing.. i understand the first three lines.. kissing someone can show there true inside.. that sweet feeling inside..but i didnt understand the last line??? Maybe you could get back to me on that one?

    stanza 3-when we get with a guy that we really like (or at least in my case) We think the world of it.. like omg im really with him i cant believe it this is so perfect.. this is so big... it seems like the world to us..

    stanza 4- its good when your dating someone that they understand the real you.. sometimes were different around others and its good to be able to be so open with this boy! I liked the thank you part.. you really know your in love or getting in love when you can open up your heart.. just make sure you have a handle on it as well...

    as far as counting the days when your going out.. im with ellissa it may be a sign that you aren't sure of how things will be.. but i use to do it too.. so maybe its just a phase.. anyways great write, hope i wasnt totally off on anything and sorry its so long.. enjoy! I know I enjoyed reading this!
    | Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by manderz_1207 | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem sounds...how can i put this...naive? not that im claiming to do much better, but i found things like your rhyme scheme difficult because if you notice, you use ABAB CDCD, and then suddenly EFGF which gets messy. then you break completely out of rhyme which suggests you arent thinking about the ending so much. I dont enjoy patterend verse a great deal, unless it happens to be from the 16th century at which point i let it go...two weeks, sheesh are you really in love? Dont mean to sound...mean sweetie but careful about what words you throw around... Ive been with my man for over a year now and we're still falling (just more firmly now) in love...sop sop...yeah, i think counting the days and hours is a sign that maybe youre not sure about things? maybe im wrong, and i wish you the best all the same

    | Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      heheheh cool. A very fun emotion to be sure. Honestly I thought this would be the same old, same old love poem, but like always, Im sometimes right and usually wrong.
    love is different for every person, and everyone has a different approach to this feeling. Just look at the variety of love poetry their is.
    yours is different from all the rest, because your story is different than all the rest, making your poem in fact original. alike to many others because love is universal. I liked your style and didnt find much at fault in this poem.
    jc prescott
    | Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]

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