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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Mother's Giftdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic Rose
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 159/220/97
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 694
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1120



    Description:
       This is an idea of how mothers feel when they have to send their sons to America with their fathers from Vietnam or Korea so that their children can have a future. These kids are a result of war... I thought that they should have a bit of a voice.

    Comments- just ideas- tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Mother's Giftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My son, I pray that you'll live on
    For you were born in a time of pain
    A reluctant memory of war
    To borne you people thought my heart lame
    From amidst the damned you slowly came
    Dying people you were born before
    Upon a ragged cloth you had lain
    Bastard of battle, nay a con

    We got through together, mother and son
    Although there was evil, I always knew
    If I lost you, there was naught to be won
    My beloved, I'd give my life for you.

    The opportunity has come
    Hush, child, don't cry- your father is here
    Even though I will miss you, my sweet,
    Your future lies ahead, not behind
    In your heart I'll be right by your side
    In America you'll plant your seeds
    Your children will not go through the fear
    Hiding from soldiers 'neath the sun

    The penalty for killing is a life
    You shot that soldier, oh withough a clue
    I'll take the punishment, so son, stay true-
    Go on and thrive- I'd give my life for you.




    Submitted on 2005-05-01 22:47:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a beautiful piece of poetry, and you write very thoughtfully for your 'tender' age. :D
    I was almost in tears at the end of this.
    You have strongly communicated many themes through this piece, parental sacrifice, lineage, war atrophy, and most importantly, hope.

    The very first line,
    My son, I pray that you'll live on
    demonstrates the mother's prepared sacrifice. Throughout this poem you get a sense of her hope for him, she will live through him.

    And that's a feeling expressed with many parents who sacrifice their lives for thier children. People say I can't believe they gave up their lfe, but they're not really giving it up they're passing it on. This is what I felt came from your poem.

    To borne you people thought my heart lame
    This line is a bit confusing though, perhaps
    to have had you, people regarded my heart as lame (or deranged even) ? just a suggestion. :)

    spelling correction-admist is amidst

    '[censored] of battle' very powrful and effective line. Nicely done.

    I think the abbreviated word 'neath would have more effect if it was just beneath.

    'Go on and thrive- I'd give my life for you'
    This line is very sad and poignant, but hints at the theme of lineage, of a line continued.

    Overall thanks for this inspiring read, you write very maturely for your age, and I have to say keep writing, you have a lot of potential.
    Looking forward to reading more. :)
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]


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