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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Mirror-kisser on Heroindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _taateli_
    ASL Info:    18/F/Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 84/113/29
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1136
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1157



    Description:
       --too scared of trying.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Mirror-kisser on Heroindots
    -------------------------------------------


    to listen without hearing
    to watch without seeing
    the real
    to take an overdose of heroin
    so you wouldn't
                  bleed

    would you focus
    on something
                  please
    let the funny little pulse be
    smell the funny little weed
    fall on your bed
                  with me

    look at the mirror on the wall
    though you won't see
    it is the us
    and a little cup of tea
    [can you feel?]
    the lips painted with gloss
    placing a gentle kiss
    on the lips
    [whose lips?]

                  oh well,
    a hand on the cheek
    to lie on the floor [in sleep?]

    [NO]

    thank you and goodbye
    then I go
    to dance in the snow
    and laugh
    [give me my placebo]




    Submitted on 2005-05-02 14:21:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      look at the mirror on the wall
    though you won't see
    it is the us
    and a little cup of tea
    [can you feel?]
    the lips painted with gloss
    placing a gentle kiss
    on the lips
    [whose lips?]

    oh well,
    a hand on the cheek
    to lie on the floor [in sleep?]

    [NO]

    thank you and goodbye
    then I go
    to dance in the snow
    and laugh
    [give me my placebo]



    So, is this a love story between two heroin addicts or an addict and heroin? Considering the disorientation involved, I'd say it seems more to be the latter. Your fragmented style is a very appropriate approach to the subject matter. Then again, having read several of your works, disjointed unity seems to be the order of the day. You really need to be published somewhere so the reading public can enjoy thees writes. Unfortunately most of them are illiterate.

    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-11-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Say whatthef*ck?

    I had to read this just because of the freakin title. I can't tell if this is a broken relationship or an overdose. I think both.

    The [] are kind of distracting sometimes, but sometimes they work really well...

    I like how you have set it up as an argument...
    the funny little pulse and the funny little weed, lying on the floor, not the bed, without the narrator...

    give me my placebo? i mean is heroin the placebo or the placebo the substitute for heroin? It all depends on the disease you're trying to cure i suppose.

    Anyways, liked it even if/especially because

    i didn't quite comprehend all of it. Love to know if there's a reason behind the rhyme and structure or if it's more of a random aesthetics trust in your head thing.
    | Posted on 2006-07-26 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...like this one...i used to do heroin...so yea there were times i am sure i felt similar to this...i never overdosed but i passed out a few times...bad times bad times...i really like the way you chose to format this...the first and last stanzas are my favorite...this is all cool...the way you wrote is like the way you may feel like when your on it...


    rh-
    | Posted on 2005-05-02 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]


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    57119

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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