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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Regretting The Kissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rahvyn
    ASL Info:    15/Female/Oregon USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 9/8/3
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1632



    Description:
       I watched Queen of the Damned the other night and I was inspired. I find vampire to be one of the most beautiful creatures with their murderous nature, especially those with self hatred because of it, such as Louis. While writing this, I thought of Louis, torn between the need for blood and companionship and also between hating himself for being a monster(girly sigh). Oh so pretty....(sigh) I could make him feel loved (wink).... Its not very good, so try to be CONSTRUCTIVE please...


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    dotsRegretting The Kissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    So long ago,
    I dreamt of this
    Wondering how it felt,
    Yet now as I embrace my death,
    I know more than death's been dealt.

    Two points of pain
    pierce my neck and blood flows free
    caught by his gentle lips,
    An immortal I'll soon be.

    His hands hold me tight
    But I've never wished to run,
    Softly his voice brings me back
    and finally it is done.

    Now I feel death near,
    calling out my name
    Softly his hand presses my lips,
    and to my mouth blood came.

    A hot fire runs through me
    making me twist and squirm
    pain and heat contorts me,
    yet he holds me firm.

    Softly he tells me
    that soon it will be done,
    that it's the choice I've made
    and from it I can't run.

    The pain begins the lessen
    and my senses come alive,
    every scent and every sight,
    immortality arrives.

    Easily he lifts me
    his eyes dark and hollow,
    the light comes he says,
    and the darkness we must follow.

    As we leave,
    fleeing from the sun
    I begin to understand
    that this night cannot be undone.

    Immortality is forever
    and death will ever escape me
    that was why he begged
    and said a mortal I should be.

    I regret this kiss
    for I never thought of it's power
    but it's too late now,
    as my meal before me cowers.








    Submitted on 2005-05-02 16:50:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Thank you all. I feel so loved and confident now! ;) If it sounds familier, it might be because on my old account, I had one about a vampire's kiss as well. It was called The Deadly Kiss or something like that, with an anime-ish picture. Any ways, thank you all very much. I thought Queen of the Damned was pretty good, but I haven't read the book and I know they are very different.
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by rahvyn | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi I also do think that vampires are one of the most beautiful creatures of this world. I like the idea of your poem. It reminded me of that scene in interview with vampire where Louis is transferred to a vampire. I do agree with ACircuitShock, it did sound very familiar, but that is because Anne Rice books.
    It is a nice piece.

    Softly he tells me
    that soon it will be done,
    that it's the choice I've made
    and from it I can't run.

    This is my favourite part.
    With love shabnam
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
      THis flows really well and rhymes really well and is on a different sort of topic. I admire your imagination. Vivid imagery, really good description throughout. Can't find any technical faults with it, it was a good write and it's great that you use stanzas, the length was also really good.
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      Not bad my friend. Very good imagery here, but it's hard to have bad imagery when talking about vampires. However, maybe because I read Anne Rice, but it seemed like I've heard all this before, like nothing was new to me. Maybe , like I said, that's because I read these books. Also, the rhyming sems a tad forced in a few places, but overall it works well. Not a bad job here, keep it up.

    Incedentally, how did you like Queen of the Damned? I was dissapionted beyond all belief when I saw it. They didn't even focus on the main storyline about the twins and such, they semed to follow the side plots. Also, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt will always be Lestat and Loius to me. Anyway.... I ramble... keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-05-02 00:00:00 | by ACircuitShock | [ Reply to This ]



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