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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Innocence of The Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: longwinterdays
    ASL Info:    18/f/wa
    Elite Ratio:    4.75 - 182/174/51
    Words: 190
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 214
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1135



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInnocence of The Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lost innocence of a naive girl
    That thought it was okay to give sex a whirl
    Her childhood is something she can never get back
    And her sense of wonderment is something she now lacks

    She never thought it would end this way
    She thought they were destined to be together for more than ONE day
    He had told her that he truly loved her
    But now all said is left in a blur

    Unclean hands, unclean heart
    Her purity is now taken apart
    He had lied to her
    And now she is no longer pure

    Why did she fall for his lies
    Not see the deception in his eyes
    Was ANYTHING he said true
    Or was it all said just to get screwed

    Her childhood will never return
    Maybe from this, others will learn
    That sex isn't all it's cracked up to be
    And trouble cause is something one can not foresee

    Lost innocence of a naive world
    That thought it would be fun to give sex a whirl
    Their childhood they can never get back
    Sense of wonderment is something most lack




    Submitted on 2005-05-02 20:26:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      poetically, this is pretty good. there are a couple of lines that i think you should make shorter becuase they seriously impede the flow of this poem. as far as the subject matter, well, i could write pages here about it, as it is something i have a very strong understanding of. as the quote on my personal page says, "if you're not married, it's just f#ckng".
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, most is quite accurate. The only people that truly have innocence is children and it is sad to think that every day the age they lose such wonder is in the sense of average being, decreasing. Kids are having sex at younger and younger ages and I lov ethe way you played around with such topic. The only thing I would change is the expansion of your ideas. The ones you hold are great, but innocence doesn't stop with only the act of sex. Some children lose their innocent virginity on other things besides sex, most prominately, drugs. I think there is room to expand and I think you should. You open up a whole different front for your poem to stand from.
    Thanks for the read, PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-05-02 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]



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