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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Living Deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nebnim
    ASL Info:    21 - Female - My Room
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 284/405/75
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 313
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1105



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiving Deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm bound by this obsession
    Your sticky lips, pale eyes
    Inspired by a lunacy
    Morbid and uncontrollable
    Shrieks in a dream that never ends
    Pictures of you that will not burn
    Someday soon I've got to learn
    A pretty little package, my pale obsession
    A haunted ghost in faded jeans
    Your memory kills me

    You'd turn in your grave if you ever knew
    The whom and what that I've become
    My darling, my darling
    You're gone and here I sit
    Controlled by a lunacy, a morbid desire
    To set this whole damn place on fire
    You're gone, you're gone; but still I sit
    Galled to the shadow of yesteryear

    I'd lie on your grave - scream your name
    Make sure this world never forgets you
    But they'd lock me up, pad the walls
    Dumb down the obsession with pictures of flowers
    Kittens...ink blots...clowns
    So I scream in silence for you, Jane
    Death is often beautiful
    But living death is never pretty




    Submitted on 2005-05-02 22:16:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very powerful peice.I really like the entire atmosphere that is set off by this peice. I like how you grab the reader right off the bat and don't let go evenn when they are done reading. This is so powerful. I like how the sense of death just screams throughout this peice, but in a way to me it seems more like a pleasant yell from death all the while expressing the opposite. I love how there are examples of death as both beautiful and gruesome. I understand that the gruesome part stands out a little more but nonetheless this seems to me to be a bit, lovely. You create such a strong internal parallel outside this peice, in the mind of the reader and this is nice. The entire span of this peice the subject subconsciously understands that death is unevitable and is trying in a way to fight such with failure while ccepting it. This is why to me a least the subject seems so torn. This is a very good peice, thanks for the read. PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      god... you write my whole world before and i dont know what to do... whether to cry and run away or whether to thank you or what... i felt so exposed when i read this like it really was me...

    the ending is where its at... death (or tragedy) can be beautiful) but living dead is ugly... and the part about lying on the grave and screaming... not letting to world forget them... i think so long as you keep their memory alive then i guess they are immortal in some ways and yet... the first year anniversary came and went for my boy a week ago and i was a total basket case but everyone elses lives have moved on... that killed me...

    anyways yeah... another amazing write... thank you for the opportunity to read your work.
    | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      hm, flippin sweet. i love the theme of "living death". i use it sometimes in my poetry, and you're right, it's definitely not beautiful. i really enjoyed reading this. each stanza had a subtley different style, which made the whole poem more interesting. very well done. who's Jane?
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really really good.The imagery was great the wording can't get any better
    I don't know what else to say because it was so good.
    my fave line/stanza was

    "I'd lie on your grave - scream your name
    Make sure this world never forgets you
    But they'd lock me up, pad the walls
    Dumb down the obsession with pictures of flowers
    Kittens...ink blots...clowns
    So I scream in silence for you, Jane
    Death is often beautiful
    But living death is never pretty"

    hope to hear from you. Don't change a thing. keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by seven11 | [ Reply to This ]
      "So I scream in silence for you"...sometimes silence can be the loudest sound of all.
    The last two lines really wrapped the poem up well.
    It hits the reader with a raw truth.
    A reality that most of us are not willing to face.
    A good friend of mine told me once, "We are born with one purpose. Only one certainty. We are born to die. That is the only thing in our lives that is for sure, death"...so the sooner we accept that. the more beautiful it becomes. Our finish lines dont have to be scary. And like you said..."death is often beautiful"..."but life is never pretty"...I couldn't have said it better myself.
    Keep it up

    much love, kris
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by angelfyre | [ Reply to This ]
      that has to be one thw best poems i've read i though it was straight forward and i felt so much emotion in this poem. great
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by Themissingshado | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! this really got my attention you have some skills the way you used the words just really got my attention. WOW i am like blown away! Keep up the good work. There was nothing wrong with it that I seen so great job. Goodluck with writing! love always Evie
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by Evie | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh dear. You have this way of reaching into the reader's soul and grabbing their heart. I again have tears in my eyes. I have experienced loss like this and apologize for you having to. It will be a year May 9th for me. *Takes deep breath* Think it woulda gotten easier. *Shakes head* Its just as hard as it was.
    ~BCute

    Keep it up. You Rock!
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful. Just [censored] beautiful! I love it. Your word usage... the flow... the meaning. It's all so great. Though I am sorry that you have lost someone. I think that you would like my poem Where Nightmares Collide. Check it out if you want. Great though.
    | Posted on 2005-05-02 00:00:00 | by ashlee_jane2003 | [ Reply to This ]



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