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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Staring Insidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Me Rambling
    Elite Ratio:    5.91 - 279/319/51
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 969
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 756



    Description:
       1) I'm not a poet, 2) this isn't poetry.
    Don't look for structure or anything else, and don't take the title too literally.

    I rarely write with structure, as anyone who knows me, knows.

    And if it's confusing to you, I'm sorry. :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStaring Insidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    My eyes constrict as I search your figure
    Inside my head I walk through uninjured
    Shrinking, mind spinning, weary trapped
    Lost picture

    Shimmering glimmer,
    Unwound but just picture
    Sand, no glass, confined
    Haunting, fevered and sore

    Your eyes beckon as mine close further
    Gated shut beyond reach of keepers
    Growing, fast scattered, daunting poise
    So insured

    Shimmering glimmer,
    Outside of our nature
    Salt, no sand, refined
    Bleeding, injured and more

    Our eyes beg differ as we carefully suffer
    Digging head space inside a father
    Breathing, sight dimming, lonely aged
    Won't bother




    Submitted on 2005-05-02 23:41:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey it's been a long time since i've read your stuff and i gotta say wow. not a poet not a poem, whatever your take on it is fine but i think it's very poetic. it's a beautifully written piece. i'm not going to try to analyze it however. what it means is what it means to you and that's all i need. it was a blast to read and that's cool by me. awesome job.

    james
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by Butterfly Bullets | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmmmmm
    truly truly beautiful.
    Your words are so profound papi.
    You seem to have the knack
    for keeping me
    breathless and even speechless.
    Much love to you papi.

    wynne
    | Posted on 2005-05-05 00:00:00 | by Wynne Devereaux | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this poem this is just like my style of writing most of the time i just write even thought it makes no sense to most people to some it does. your poem seems to be about getting older and fading away about life suffering and being alone even thought there are those around you your still alone, with your pain misery and lost mind.

    is this right? i dont know that is what i got from reading this.


    my fav stanza was

    My eyes constrict as I search your figure
    Inside my head I walk through uninjured
    Shrinking, mind spinning, weary trapped
    Lost picture

    its just so good when you say that inside your head you walk uninjured it makes me think about how inside ourselves its the only place where we are safe
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      you know what this is? this make me want to lay down a riff, and have you scream over it! thats what this is man! true, you leave iwakuni soon, you'll feel the same way i felt leaving that place, good and bad at the same time. i liked your third stanza, kinda reminds me of me, actually, the way my thoughts scatter just beyond the reach and too dispersed to ever recover. rob, thats it for me, take care man, i'm taking care of my ass, and if you ever want to come out my way, in california, you know that you're more than welcome.

    brent
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      dude I read thgis about a half hour ago and I didnt want to say it didnt make any6 sense because well I have been wrong before-so now that there is another comment I can say this is a very feeble attempt at being poetic. and look I mean that very loosely. I usually would never say these things but you marked this as your feature piece? say what?anyway please forgive my bluntness and explain to me what this means -who knows maybe you are much deeper than I and could enlighten me?

    Your eyes beckon as mine close further
    Gated shut beyond reach of keepers
    Growing, fast scattered, daunting poise
    So insured
    [now what the hell does that mean?]
    this poem is like one big riddle that doesnt have an answer
    sorry
    lamemansterms
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Honestly this makes no sense to me! I read again and again and could not figure what you are talking about! that is my only take on the poem.
    I know it is about ooking inside (as title said) but I could not make the relation.
    I have nothing to say about the form or flow.
    I like your last 2 verses, it seems as if you are talking about aging and I thought it was a fabulous image.
    Peace.
    Viviane.
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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