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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Yet Unfamiliardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jester_Gesture
    ASL Info:    23/f
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 365/459/201
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 671
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 583



    Description:
       Now the third draft of this pocket poem. I tend to write things at nine in the morning, and for lack of strength or perhaps conviction in it's words, I put it in the back left pocket of my pants so that I may later better the poem.

    This is about 6 months I spent somewhere four years ago, and a person I know now that I knew then, who often persuades me to think of it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYet Unfamiliardots
    -------------------------------------------


    Carpet walled hallways,
    none window lined but the outside,
    all bare of natural memorials.
    Dim, impersonal locker room:
    dampened by a thousand
    showered feet.
    Bitter strangers in sweat slick skin,
    dripping with mascara and sarcasm.
    Making stench for
    classrooms foiled with
    brown butcher paper.
    Caves for heart breakers
    and captors of our
    easily influences innocence.
    Sewed into soul,
    yet unfamiliar.
    Crossed arms and
    dull eyes that say
    there is nothing else.




    Submitted on 2005-05-03 00:06:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Caves for heart breakers" is a wonderful line and your last stanza, as pointed out by Vedanta19, is a great finish. This poem moved into a sad depression of isolation. Great use of words to depict the scene. I could almost smell the dingy locker room.
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
      "Caves for heart breakers
    and captors of our
    easily influences innocence.
    Sewed into soul,
    yet unfamiliar.
    Crossed arms and
    dull eyes that say
    there is nothing else."..this is nice and leaves a impact on the reader.The poem feels like it's being written from a train..everything moving and then merging into a vaccum..i got this feeling when i was reading it.You have potrayed a good imagery. :)
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      Your descriptions of objects and places, feelings and perhaps an over-all numbness to it all is captivating to me. I like how you describe people...not as people, but as a flashing blur of something. There's a cold resentment laying beneath your words, but it's like an angry cat; very reserved and weary. Well done, Jester. I truly enjoyed it.
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
      I really thought you did a great descriptive piece that seemed like you were in a place you didn't particularly want to be. My favorite line, "Bitter strangers in sweat slick skin,
    dripping with mascara and sarcasm," reminded me of high school or an office I worked a temp job at once! Great job! Love,Peace,Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like a reminiscence of 8th grade. Can't say what my opinion of it really is. It didn't really catch my eye or hold my attention, but the structure was cool.
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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