little glass globe
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Description:
little glass globe
Fish in that damn round bowl And bring out as many albums As you can in your career Opportunity comes to all at some Point of conversation about why scottish Ice-cream vans trundle the streets in October’s dead beat of dying leaves Spotting the wide roads with outlines Spotting the wide roads without lines We follow new tracks and plot our freedom Out on street-maps with a key One to show each forgotten dream And where we found ourselves An ‘X’ or an ‘ex’ marks the spot Marked and remembered So we don’t have to go back Fishing in our damn round bowl Of everything we ever shared I find a winter streetlight Hung over the guilt of the morning After waking up and knowing we meant what we said, that we’d been wrong to assume we were so solid, when we were like fish in that damn glass bowl of going away, only because you know You’re already coming back. |
Submitted on 2005-05-03 11:03:54 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| I like the esoteric edge of this and see my own nose and eyes peering out of my fishbowl. It is so uncommonly hard to be human especially knowing all of our faults mixed with dreams. There are nights we've shared, jumped bowl just to have a chance at bliss. And your lines outline our stories to share, I like this, it moves like linear thought but is fat and round with possibilities. I think I'll take one last drink and then spill my fishbowl home. Have you ever wondered what a great time fish have watching this human show? Great job, peace and love too, Nan | Posted on 2005-05-06 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ] | Some great moments in this poem, Elissa. I loved the leitmotif of tracking out your lives like following a road map with the delicious pun on X marks the spot. I feel your lack of punctuation is an affectation which doesn't help the reader understand your poem. This poem was pacey and gutsy. It pulled me along in an enjoyable read. I liked the irony of icrecream in winter. Wasn't quite sure what "spotting" was up to. It was obviously a very significant word for you. | | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ] | Your poetry has bounce to it. I admit i was put off by the style: a sortof poetic train of thought is how i see it. It is amusing the links you have between phrases, and how the same words are transformed in meaning from one sentence to the next. Still you may consider making it more accessible, and less abstract/modern art if you will. I love the lines 8-9: "spotting....lines with what i think some ppl refer to as a repotia in rhetoric. One place that demanded criticism for instance is 12 "One to show each forgotten dream". Where the second or third...? Anyways pretty cool. :) Peace | Raz | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by razmohin2 | [ Reply to This ] | |
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