little glass globe -------------------------------------------
Fish in that damn round bowl
And bring out as many albums
As you can in your career
Opportunity comes to all at some
Point of conversation about why scottish
Ice-cream vans trundle the streets in
October’s dead beat of dying leaves
Spotting the wide roads with outlines
Spotting the wide roads without lines
We follow new tracks and plot our freedom
Out on street-maps with a key
One to show each forgotten dream
And where we found ourselves
An ‘X’ or an ‘ex’ marks the spot
Marked and remembered
So we don’t have to go back
Fishing in our damn round bowl
Of everything we ever shared
I find a winter streetlight
Hung over the guilt of the morning
After waking up and knowing we
meant what we said, that we’d been wrong
to assume we were so solid,
when we were like fish
in that damn glass bowl
of going away,
only because you know
You’re already coming back.
I like the esoteric edge of this and see my own nose and eyes peering out of my fishbowl. It is so uncommonly hard to be human especially knowing all of our faults mixed with dreams. There are nights we've shared, jumped bowl just to have a chance at bliss. And your lines outline our stories to share, I like this, it moves like linear thought but is fat and round with possibilities. I think I'll take one last drink and then spill my fishbowl home. Have you ever wondered what a great time fish have watching this human show? Great job, peace and love too, Nan
Some great moments in this poem, Elissa. I loved the leitmotif of tracking out your lives like following a road map with the delicious pun on X marks the spot. I feel your lack of punctuation is an affectation which doesn't help the reader understand your poem. This poem was pacey and gutsy. It pulled me along in an enjoyable read. I liked the irony of icrecream in winter. Wasn't quite sure what "spotting" was up to. It was obviously a very significant word for you.
Your poetry has bounce to it. I admit i was put off by the style: a sortof poetic train of thought is how i see it. It is amusing the links you have between phrases, and how the same words are transformed in meaning from one sentence to the next. Still you may consider making it more accessible, and less abstract/modern art if you will. I love the lines 8-9: "spotting....lines with what i think some ppl refer to as a repotia in rhetoric. One place that demanded criticism for instance is 12 "One to show each forgotten dream". Where the second or third...? Anyways pretty cool. :) Peace Raz
Submission Name: little glass globe
