Description: I posted this last night, but I am re-posting because I changed it. And I changed the Title as well, which was "So Carelessly..."
This is basically just about how I am so sick of screwing up, it always seems to be the same things over and over and over...but I only have myself to blame.
At first, I wasn't really intending for this to have a rhyme scheme or whatever, but it ended up that way. There isn't a set pattern. I guess you could say it's more like freestyle rhyming, or something like that.
And I know that there really isn't much punctuation, but that's how I want it for right now. It's more bare and raw without it, and I really just dont want to bother with it.
Every Ounce of My Hopes -------------------------------------------
So carelessly I poured
every ounce of my hopes
into the crevices of every mistake
that lines the path I regretfully made
And so carelessly
I watched every ounce fall away
while wishing things would stay
perfectly in place
So carelessly I gave my heart
and piece by peice it fell apart
But I did nothing to stop it
from happening that way
I let it slip away
just like yesterday
and just like today
And so carelessly I remained
in the middle, unrestrained
wondering if things would ever change
but knowing it would stay the same
Since I'm a pro at this dreaded game
So carelessly I thought I was strong
couldn't have been more wrong
so here's another unhappy ending
to another tragic, broken hearted song
Howdy...:) I read through this and it makes sense. I'm not going to comment on punctuation or anything like that because in your description you said you weren't worried about it. The only suggestion I can think of is maybe break the poem up into stanzas it may make it a bit easier to read, but I know, when you're trying to get out frustration it's easier to throw everything down and get it out :)
I bet this piece was very personal to you and you did an awesome job of getting out your frustrations about as you say, "making the same mistakes" and 'i' liked , "So carelessly I poured every ounce of my hopes into the crevices of every mistake that lines the path I regretfully made." Don't be too hard on yourself for a mistake is only an opportunity for growth and learning. Love,Peace,Joy!
I like this a lot. I know exactly what you mean. I can probably relate to this right now more than anything Ive ever read. I would explain, but I really dont want to get into it at the moment. You know? Well...anyways, I really like the freestyle rhyming. I think its better like that cause it really never sounds forced. This whole thing is really good. I love it. Great job :-)
wow, i could tell you really meant this a whole lot, it had great imagery, i mean i thoguht tht i saw myself in it. but i guess that it wasn't. anyway this was really really good THNX
Submission Name: Every Ounce of My Hopes
